Do Over Nation

All right. I've been away from doing this for a while. So i'm gonna write this now, and then another thing. And hopefully i'll keep writing. Not that there's many of you out there waiting in suspense for my next thrilling chapter...but i guess it's good to put it out there.

Working at my current job (a crappy coffeejockey tenth ring of hell position in a chain of stores that rhymes with Morder's), I'm subjected to all sorts of different people and interactions. Some good, some bad, some reprehensible, some completely forgettable. I think that sums up all of life, really. But this one stuck in my craw, and I didn't even know I had a craw! But sure enough this nugget of irksome dug itself a lil home in my previously ignored craw.

A group of four middle aged women come up to my craphole counter, all looking and talking exactly alike. They all have that really short almost a bob curly hair you see amongst middle school teachers. The hairstyle that pointedly asks "Lesbian?" in a curious fashion. They were also all adorned with cutesy knit sweaters with sailboats and little greetings sown onto them. In other words: seemingly harmless. But if there's one thing the Cold War taught me, it's that never step in a boxing ring with a man called "Drago". The other thing it taught me is that Never Trust Anything That Appears To Be Harmless.

They saw we had a chocolate flavored coffee. "Oooooo," they squealed in a collective mindthought of simple delight. "That sounds interesting. Let's try that. We'll have that."

Note the use of the word "TRY". Meaning: They Had Never Had It Before. So I pour them out four cups of this chocolate blend and serve it to them. They retire to a small sitting area to talk about the current primetime programming on CBS or the new book about finding love amidst solving a mystery or whatever it is that they talk about. Then two of them approach me while carrying all four cups.

"Yes? What can I do for you?" I asked befuddled and slightly alarmed that only the two Alpha Females approached. Danger could be imminent. I immediately began planning my escape route/defense plan if these two ladies got physical. I'll throw the biscotti at them and head for the fire exit...

"We don't like this at all. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone it's horrible," said the blonde leader, whilst she and her similarly themed and dressed cohort placed the cups back upon the counter with a defiant anger they learned from watching Fried Green Tomatoes. This was clearly the leader...she's the one I would need to speak with directly.

"oh, I'm sorry--"

"We'd like something else." They then proceeded to ask for a drink that was more expensive than the ones they had previously ordered and I gave it to them while professing my apologies.

Now the problem isn't the money thing, cuz honestly, if you want to rip off a large corporate appendage like the store I work for, and you can do it with aplomb and originality, I say, "Bravo. Go For it."

What bothered me was the pretenses for their initial purchase: It's the fact that they wanted to try something, and when they did try it and then didn't like it, they wanted something in exchange.

When you try something you're gambling. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll hate it. Maybe this new something is what completes you, or defines you, or is that one thing you've always wanted but never knew how to describe. Or maybe it'll give you the shits for an entire weekend (thank you very much, Pakistani cuisine). It's a flip of a coin. You kind of have an impression of what you are going to experience, but that impression can easily be proven false.

FOR EXAMPLE: When I went skydiving for the first (and thus far, only) time, I thought it would be liberating and fun; the wind ripping in my face and all of that flying like a bird bullshit Patrick Swayze talks about in Point Break. And it was. But what I had no idea to expect is that the most lasting part of that memory is the intense testicular pain I would feel when the chute opened and my harness flew up before my balls did, creating a sensation not found outside of certain Underground German Fetish Clubs. I tried something and found it both exciting (as expected) and disturbing (as completely and terrifyingly unexpected).

Back to the sitination at hand...

So the point is that they had never tried this particular drink before. They were trying it. It failed to meet their expections. They got tails instead of heads, and they didn't like it. But should they be rewarded for not liking something? I know this question is moot because I already gave them their drinks and so I guess in a way I did reward them. But let's say this was a "Choose Your Own Adventure" situation (albeit a very boring and sad one):
--Should you say "you win some, you lose some" shrug and feel the wrathful stares of four dykey women? TURN TO PAGE 86
--Or do you just give them some drinks and think, "It's not fair that they didn't like what they got. I hope they enjoy this instead"? TURN TO PAGE 17

They can express disappointment, and I shall duly note it, and then they can order four replacement drinks, pay for them, and enjoy those. But it's not a do-over. They don't get that. People don't like the idea of walking away empty handed from something. A line out of some after school special or motivational pamphlet is "When you lose, don't lose the lesson." Well most people are saying, "Fuck That". Fuck the lesson. I want me some free Chai Tea. They want to go back and erase any sign of making mistakes. Instead they only want to be seen proven right, unless the bad choice happens to be comical enough for some anecdote over an "Awesome Blossom" at their nearest Bennigan's.

Look at George Lucas. (Suddenly a bunch of Internet nerds' ears begin ringing at the mentioning of the once great Emperor of Nerdom) Look at what he's done to his movies: Altering them with new F/X, scenes, lines, and even characters for seemingly no reasons other than they make his shit look cooler. At least, in his eyes. Can't have Han Solo seemingly kill a man in cold blood. Greedo shot first, therefore Han was acting as a good guy. People don't want to be seen in a light other than what they cast about themselves.

After that quick sojourn into Dorksville, the point remains: We live in a Do-Over Nation. People don't want to walk away from a bad experience content with a new guideline for their lives. They want something to show for it...in their hands. They want that extra fifteen minutes of fame, or adoration, or money, or even a free drink.

I know I've blown up a situation, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let these crybaby terrorists win. Not on my watch. Or, in this case, shift.