Bush's Brain at it Again!

Forget about the Kerry misdirection.

Forget about the sudden sentencing of Saddam Hussein to death.

There is a new and even more insidious conspiracy afoot this Election Day.

Yes, I'm talking about the Britney Spears/K-Fed divorce. Firstly, Bravo to Karl Rove! The man is more Emperor Palpatine than Palpatine himself was in the prequels! And without needless second banana bad guys (Dooku is scary WHY?). Unless you count the president himself. Hi-Yo! But seriously, hats off to Bush's Brain for engineering and rigging the release of this information. Sure, Britney's been dying to throw the cheetos encrusted freeloader out of her house for months now. But, as she famously says in Fahrenheit 9/11, you have to stand behind the president. And when the President asks that you announce your divorce on the day that his party stands to get coldcoked, dammit, you accept those charges!

Personally though, I really hope this divorce was just accumulation of intense heated political debate between the two lovetards.

Imagine if you will, they're sitting in front of their two big screens. BET is on one, MSNBC is on the other. K-Fed is relaxing on (Britney's) couch when the starlet walks in, noticing that K-Fed is looking rather encouraged at the prospect of a Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

(FADE IN)

Britney: "Baby, I can't believe you're leaning towards the Democratic party now! You just know that they're weak willed approach to politics and debate will end up transfering into our ongoing war of terror, thereby revealing us to be a country divided, soft on our enemies, and open for another attack, y'all!"

K-Fed: "Yo, yo, yo...Britney, hold up. Hold up. You hearing what you sayin? Damn, girl! You've been given too much of your time to the Republican Propaganda Juggernaut. You think Kerry makin' a lame joke at a college undermines the troops? Really? Damn, yo! That shit is whack! It be Rumsfeld who's undermining the troops! How about a man that didn't properly arm the troops goin in, let alone provide enough troops there in the first place! Meanwhile, Bush and all them Pavarottis be standing behind Rumsfeld, acting like he's still the shit. Nah, Brit. NAH."

Britney: "Fine, let's table the Iraq issue for a second. Okay, baby?"

K-Fed: "I don't see how you can table an issue that involves American lives being lost, an increase in terror sympathy, and also furthering the instability of an entire region. But, you gave me that new Prius, so I'm gonna listen."

Britney: "Thanks, pookums. Now, moving away from the international scene to a more, y'know, domestic situation - Bush's tax cuts have lessened the deficit and totally freed up money for burgeoning small businesses! It's allowed capital to be fed back into the national economy! Now I, fer one, don't think that's a bad thing. How can y'all be against a man who's helping out small businesses?"

K-Fed: "Again, Brit - I think you're falling prey to the conservative talking points. Yeah, sure the deficit has gone done a little - meanwhile we're in huge amounts of national debt to other countries, and our own national credit card debt is through the roof!"

Britney: "Maybe that's cuz you keep putting all those drinks and dances down at the Pussycat Lounge on our AmEx."

K-Fed: "Baby, don't be petty. We're talkin bout national problems, aiight?"

Britney: "I guess I just don't know you anymore."

K-Fed: "I think ever since I became an international rappin' superstar I've changed. And not just cuz of all the fans--"

(Britney laughs)

K-Fed: "ANYWAY, not just cuz of all the fans, but it's also given me a more worldly perspective on things. We can't be all pent up in our own lil worlds, we gotta consider what's goin on at home and abroad."

Britney: "Speaking of abroad, someone named Mindy called and said the tests came back positive."

K-FED: "Aw, hell no!"

(FADE OUT)



Obviously this is a pure fantasy, if only because Britney would never be able to make a pun out of the word "abroad".

GOD BLESS AMERICA!