Whatever Happened To...
--the Flying Car?
--Robot butlers?
--Virtual Reality? Seriously, remember when they said VR sets would be under every kids' christmas tree in like 1997? Way off on that one, douches.
--dinner in a pill?
--the new metric system?
--Choose Your Own Adventure Books?
--Limp Bizkit? Not that I'm complaining, but how did one of the biggest bands just fall off the planet? Did we actually finally all come together to do something good? And why can't we harness this energy against Avril Lavaigne?
--Alf? Is he still in Pog form?
--Pogs?
--The Fry Guys?
--Cool kids cartoons? I mean, not just anime hawking some card game, but respectable American cartoons trying shill plastic action figures?
--Wade Boggs?
--Rocket Packs?
--Tween sitcoms like California Dreams and Hang Time?
--Black Rebel Motorcycle Club?
--my sense of hope?
--Kids wanting to be president?
--Rocky 6?
--Britney Spears's acting career?
--Jesus? Isn't he supposed to be back?
--Liberal Bias in the news?
--Afghanistan?
--Kim Jong Il's Hair?
--that smug feeling of satisfaction I get every time I skip a step on a stairway, thinking to myself "I'm making excellent time"?
--TV shows featuring sassy maids and/or butlers?
If anyone has any answers or leads, please contact me. Let's close some of these cases, people.
posted by The Neurotic Monkey @ 4:41 PM
8 Comments:
First of all, let me just say: You stole my bit!! But its a good bit, so i'll let it slide. But let me clear some things up:
1. VR was supposed to be under tree in 2000, and the technology is there, but its to $$$, I took a class on VR, a whole expensive credit at Vassar on those booths at the county fair (county fairs in VA are very advanced)
2. Choose Your Own Adventures were banned after a student got lost in an never-ending loop caused by a typo. He is still there and doctors say he may never be the same.
3. As for cartoons, I think asians bought the rights to all animations some time in 2003.
4. Who's Wade Boggs?
5. Rocky 6 is coming I hear, no seriously, Access Hollywood told me.
6. As for sassy help on sitcoms, watch UPN or Will & Grace (my personal fav!)
7. I will tell you what happened to pogs, it is a sad and tragic tale though. One day everyone realized that pogs could not be lamer, that they were actually the lamest any fad could be and by everyone trying to redeem their coolness at the same time caused them to cease to exist. Although I found one under an end-table in my old room when I moved out.
The real question on everyone's mind is, what ever happened to Rascal, the delishious raspberry flavor soda? Their motto was "Nobody famous drinks it." This beverage vanished along with all my childhood dreams of becoming a jocky, or a replublican.
Finally, diet cherry vanilla dr. pepper has come along to fill the void.
In general, there is too much hate, and playa hating on your blog. As JT would ask, where is the love?
I will tell you what happened to the love, but it's a long and epic story, so get comfy. Comfy? Not yet...booooo. Now? Good? K.
Love was kidnapped by the evil Baron von Diefast, the villainous teutonic dignitary who delights in hijacking and torturing intangible ideas. He's infamous for the brutality he visited upon Dignity and Common Sense, and Naivete won't be able to walk ever again. So there sat Love, frightened and cold in the Baron's dungeons; she was scared of the Baron's insidious plans for her, and cold because dungeons aren't very good at retaining heat, and there's usually a draft for some reason. The Baron approached the trembling Love and offered her one chance, just one chance, to spare herself from his cruel machinations:
"You must forsake the heart and mind of the one known as The Neurotic Monkey." The Baron pronounced, savoring every syllable that fled past his wicked lips.
Love gasped. How could she abandon her friend, the adorable and idealistic Neurotic Monkey? That creature that got itself into trouble, but always joked about it and tried to spread happiness and smile whereever it went? Could she really forever banish herself from her friend, and still be able to live with it?
Evidently, yes, yes she could.
"Deal," Love exclaimed. "Fuck the Neurotic Monkey; fuck him up his stupid ass."
And with that Love was free, but must remain forever outside of the Neurotic Monkey's heart, close by like an orbiting satellite, taunting the Neurotic Monkey with all that he lost and wished he had once more.
So that is what happened to Love. That is where Love has gone. Although, ironically, I'm still on her christmas card list, for some reason. I assume it's just an oversight.
Gold, Monkey, pure gold. It's a post in and of itself. I'm so lucky I happened upon you when I did!
Alf has a talk show on TV Land now. Yep, that's the direction we're headed towards.
Just to clarify--
Wade Boggs was a baseball player. I believe he was voted into the Hall of Fame last year, but I could be wrong about that. He played for the Red Sox, and then finished out his years playing either for the Marlins or Devil Rays. Some sort of fish. What I remember most about him is that he had a huge forehead, and every time he struck out and was pissed about it, he would break a bat over his knees. Well, maybe not every time. But enough times to cement that image in my head forever.
Wade Boggs finished his career in 1999 playing for the Devils Rays and batting a respectable .301. He was voted into the hall of fame earlier this year. I'm sure this post is considered reprehensible to most bloggers and I apologize for not being so fucking cool...When did I start hating hipsters more then hippies?
Probably around the time that you mistook "then" for "than". And you probably stopped hated hippies when you started dating one.
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