Well Fuck You, Too, Seth Macfarlane!

That's my response to American Dad, the new Seth Macfarlane cartoon that will be on Fox and Cartoon Network this Spring and Summer. What could be a new successor to the (increasingly burgeoning) field of prime time Adult Oriented cartoons, is instead just a chance for Jackass MacLameJoke to pick up a check.

Does anyone remember the movie Multiplicity? It starred Michael Keaton as a man who perfects cloning, and then makes clones of himself, who, in turn, makes clones of themselves. I actually never saw the movie, refusing to acknowledge that Michael Keaton is still alive anymore (long story); but I just remember one of the lines in the trailer: "You know how when you make a copy of a copy, it's not as sharp as... well... the original." That pretty much sums up American Dad. It's a copy of a copy, and the few lines of definition are gray and hazy.

First, just to orientate the reader, let me describe my position on Seth Macfarlane. A lot of people either worship the man and his work, swearing by every episode of Family Guy (i.e., most drunk guys living in college dorms right now), and a lot of others condemn him as being one of the most reprehensible people to ever receive a paycheck from Fox, which is saying something (i.e., Kevin Smith, Ken Tucker, the editorial staff over at www.moviepoopshoot.com). Macfarlane even acknowledges this divide in the January 26, 2005, issue of The Onion A.V. Club in which he states in an interview that,

People either hate [Family Guy] or can't get enough of it. There's really no one in
between. There doesn't seem to be any group that can take it or leave it.
It's either, "I laugh my ass off start to finish, it's my favorite show," or "You
guys are pathetic."

Well, I guess I find myself in the Third Estate in this debate. Family Guy is actually pretty funny, and more often than not I find myself quoting from it like some retarded form of tourettes (more so). It is at its funniest whenever it makes absurdist jokes, goes off on illogical tangents for about two minutes, or makes such an obscure reference it even sends Dennis Miller to the altar of Google. And being the type of nerd that lives off obscure references like a socially unfit lamprey, I appreciate those moments. So overall I laugh at Family Guy, and think it showed a lot of surreal and absurd leanings that made it as daring and refreshing as any sitcom then or now.

Did I make it a must see when it initially ran? No. Can I stop watching in the middle of an episode? Easily, as opposed to vintage Simpsons which I will watch all the way through, just because every part of the episode works so well.

[And I know people are probably sick of Family Guy and every other cartoon being compared to The Simpsons, but when you have a great benchmark show that displays all of the possibilities for an entire genre (animated Sitcom), but it's a helpful tool in reviewing and judging everything that comes after. It's how we as a species go through life -- comparing and contrasting, trying to compartmentalize everything we run across. Suck it up.]

Family Guy started out, and never really shook off, the shroud of being a drunk clone of The Simpsons. It had the same family set up, same drunk fat Un-P.C. patriarch and lead character, and same manner of working pop culture into the jokes (so much so, that Simpsons refused to do the Random Jump Cuts anymore, just as a way of saying Fuck You to Seth). The only difference was that it was cruder, seemed to try to be offensive and gutter minded for the mere sake of being offensive--which isn't always bad, but does tend to feel forced. The character of Stewie was great, but also seemed like it had shades of "The Brain" from Animaniacs. So I had my problems with the show. I didn't hate it though; I think it's funny, but it's nothing to be revered.

And then comes American Dad. The basic premise is that Stan Smith is a government agent who happens to be ultra-conservative, government trusting, and loves his gun. He is married to a doting, and fairly bland, wife named Francine. His kids, Steve and Hayley, are a high school nerd and a liberal college student, respectively. Then there's the seemingly gay alien with Paul Lynde's voice named Roger who just wanders around the house being bitchy. Lastly, there's a goldfish named Klaus that has the mind of a german skier. And then hilarity ensues...or so They would have you believe.

I have seen the pilot three times now, and guess what? It sucks every time. Which helps to explain the title of this column. American Dad pretty much takes the exact characterization of Family Guy, but then puts a political background behind them, but the politics have nothing to do with the plot or punchlines in an episode. There are some tweakings: Steve is a social outcast because he's a nerd, not because he's an overweight awkward fella, like Chris. Hayley has a voice as opposed to be "annoying girl family member" that was Meg. And Stan is now good looking and carries a gun, as opposed to fat Peter whose random acts of violence seemed horribly (and hilariously) out of place for a WASP suburban dad. The wives are identical, with Francine even delivering a speech about her shadowy sexual past much like Lois might do on Family Guy.

And normally, I wouldn't have a problem with this. A lot of early Futurama episodes shared the same pacing and characters with Simpsons. But what bothers me is that American Dad was created before Family Guy was going to come back. So Macfarlane probably thought he was just going to appease the nerds who were jonesing for their (believed deceased) beloved animated show by cranking out a duplicate of that show, like when a parent replaces a dead pet with an identical one to spare your feelings and help you deny the natural order of the life cycle. Family Guy was rotting in its grave when American Dad started to be produced, and then when the geeks waved their magic wands (i.e. credit cards) over that charnel Peter Griffin rose again like a Hanna-Barbera Lazarus. And now Family Guy will be on the same night as American Dad when both start up their full seasons in May. Which is like having a conversation with a set of Siamese twins, only one of them is a little slow since Twin #1 gets most of the blood to the brain, so Twin #2 can pass for normal (by Siamese twin standards at least), but in fact is pretty lame.

When it was announced that Family Guy will be returning, American Dad should've had a huge overhaul. First off, stop ripping off other sitcoms. End the self-cannibalizing of Family Guy. Make American Dad it's own entity. Make Stan a unique character--make him reprehensible or completely idiotic or totally abusive, or something I can't even foresee. Instead he comes off like a rip off of Sledge Hammer, which no one from my generation has seen so they don't even know they're getting this reheated bullshit. Don't rip off Get A Life either, with Roger spewing goo everywhere just like the alien in that episode named SPEWY! For Christ's sake!

Also, none of the jokes were really funny. The timing was off. Watching American Dad was just like watching Jimmy Kimmel Live for me, where I'm sitting there and lecturing the television on where the joke should be, or how the timing sucked on a gag, etc. (By the way--can Jimmy Kimmel Live still be called that when it's not even live anymore? The fuck is that? I don't think the "Live" aspect of the title was really drawing the kids in, so it's probably not a big deal if you just dropped it.) The point is, it just wasn't funny. There was one funny scene, where I actually laughed out loud, and I'll remind you this was after a superbowl in which my team WON, so I was feeling fairly happy and easy to entertain. Steve has become Student President and, when spurned by his crush, announces that all PDA (public displays of affection) is forbidden. The camera then cuts to a bunch of couples separating, and it culminates in a teacher buttoning up while a frog lies expectant and waiting on its back. "I'll come back tonight," the teacher says, "it's too risky now." That was funny. I enjoyed a chuckle.

What really annoys me about this show is that Seth Macfarlane was given a chance to prove himself, to prove that Family Guy wasn't a fluke, to prove that all of the devotion Family Guy fans have hoisted onto him is worth it, and he blew it. He took the safe and unfunny road. He didn't try to rethink anything, didn't try anything different from what he knew worked for him in the past. And now that Family Guy is back, I have a feeling either one show is going to be great while the other lingers in "forgotten-Fredo Corleone-passed over" limbo, or else both will only be mildly entertaining.

And I know cartoons need about two years for the shows to find their niche. There's the style of animation, a huge group of writers all working together, the voice talent, so many different things need to come together in a groove. What's problematic about this show is that the seeds its planted will most likely yield bitter fruit. I liked the first Family Guy. I said it was kinda like The Simpsons, but I liked their devotion to pop culture. And everything that I liked about the pilot expanded as the show grew. There's nothing to mature and expand in this show. Probably the political satire, which there was little to none of (so God, Bush, and Cheney are friends? how risque!). Is some of this jealousy? Yes. I openly admit would kill (and have killed....take that, Arthur Miller!) to have the ability to create a TV show and air it on a national network. So when people take that opportunity and completely half-ass it, it just angers me the way some sports fans were outraged when Ricky Williams took all of his immense talent and wandered the earth in a constant buzz and covered in orange Cheetos dust.

And lastly, one more offense that American Dad and Seth Macfarlane perpetrated on me? Fox has arranged it so that Arrested Development has a truncated season, probably because of its piddling ratings, and to make room for American Dad. Arrested Development is the most daring, risque, smart, quick, brilliant, original comedy on TV. It and Scrubs are the only funny sitcoms on TV at the moment, not counting animated programming. And it is likely that it will die a quiet death in order to make way for the Emperor's Tacky New Clothing that is American Dad. Which blows. And merely underlines just how much of a urinal puck this life is.

So if Seth Macfarlane doesn't respect us enough to come up with something new, something original, or at least funny, then I say "Well, Fuck You Too, Seth Macfarlane!" I was going to say something about how he should've died on Sept 11, like he was supposed to (instead he got drunk at an airport bar); but I'm going to take the high road here and simply say I hope you get syphilis.