Talkin Trash to the Garbage Around You
Just some quick lil tidbits for y'all today. And by y'all I mean myself. It's like having a conversation with my echo.
- Good News, Everybody! Cartoon Network has renewed The Venture Bros. for another season. See what happens, nerds, when we all rally together? We're unstoppable! Check out the full story here, as well as see what new shows are on the way for Adult Swim. Also, according to Jackson Publick on his blog, Season 1 DVDs may be coming out as well. The downside is that both the new season and the DVDs wouldn't be until early 2006. C'est la my vie.
- Thanks to the crackerjack investigative reporting of Garflog, I have stumbled upon Fiona Apple's new album -- the one Sony refuses to release because it's "not economically viable" (I just watched Falling Down again, so you may see some other random quotes from one of Joel Schumacher's few good movies). Y'all can head on over to this site in order to download the mp3s, and check it out. Are there any hits? Any singles? Does she still need a sandwich and a hug? Did having a magician boyfriend dump her for her stand-in screw her up more than before? Is that possible? When will the questions stop? Now. Once again, big shout out to Garflog for directing me to that, and expect a review of the album in a couple o' days.
- My new favorite sayings that I'm dropping like sprinkles on the ice cream cones of my conversation: "You wouldn't give a crippled crab a crutch!", "Do me a solid...", and "Big Time." Now practice them at home and try a few out for yourselves; see your popularity plummet like Ben Affleck's career. Poor Affleck.
- Swiffer products. Holy Carp. I love ANYTHING Swiffer makes. If they came out with a brand of condom, I'd use it (well...I would want to use it--I can't expect Swiffer to solve ALL my problems). I've been using the duster, the mop, the toilet bowl cleaner -- and they all work like freakin magic. What's next for Swiffer? What household staple will they reinvent with vigor and charm? How about the toothbrush, with disposable heads and all that? Actually, that's not that bad of an idea. Patent Pending, bitches! Seriously, I love Swiffer products. The only other time I've felt this sense of brand loyalty was when I used to smoke, and even then I would cheat on American Spirits with the occasional Camel Light. If I have a child, I'm naming it Swiffer. Swiffer Monkey. Sounds good. Actually sounds like the mascot for the product. A tiny little rhesus monkey pushing the Swiffer mop around to pick up the feces it threw just moments ago, then stops, looks at the camera and chirps out, "WORKS GREAT!" Bam. Pure gold.
- Normally I put down what I'm listening to and all of that other shiite, but instead I'm just going to write down my current playlist -- and y'all can copy and assemble it yourselves. It's like I made a mixtape for all of you, because I love you that much. Except that guy. You, sir, are an asshole. The rest of you can enjoy!
1. "My Home is the Sea" by Bonnie Prince Billy & Matt Sweeney
2. "Existentialism on Prom Night" by Straylight Run
3. "For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti" by Sufjan Stevens
4. "Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl" by Broken Social Scene
5. "Blood Red Summer" by Coheed & Cambria
6. "Scared Straight with the Monarch" -- soundclip from The Venture Bros. Found here.
7. "E-Pro" by Beck
8. "King Eternal" by TV on the Radio
9. "Sea Lion" by Sage Francis (feat. Will Oldham)
10. "boysdontcry" by mc chris.
11. "Get It Together" by The Go! Team
12. "Seventeen Years" by Ratatat
13. "Brock Promises Hank" -- soundclip from The Venture Bros. Also found here.
14. "Bachelor Pad" by Fantastic Plastic Machine
15. "Aguas de Marco" by Antonio Carlos Jobim
16. "Panis Et Circenses" by Os Mutantes
17. "Scarecrow" by Beck
18. "She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals
19. "Hot Child in the City" by Nick Glider
20. "Dressed Up" by Totally Radd!!
21. "She's An Angel" by They Might Be Giants
22. "Rock Opera of Franz Kafka" -- taken from Home Movies - Just finished reading Augusten Burroughs's Magical Thinking. It's great, funny, and works well even if you haven't read Running with Scissors or Dry (I've read the former but not the latter). Currently I'm reading Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore and Frank Miller's Sin City comic books.
- Speaking of which -- HOLY CARP! I'm trying to keep expectations low for this movie, so I don't suffer the slings & arrows of geek disappointment that came with the first X-Men and Spiderman. But that trailer just looks sick. Plus you throw in a pinch of quality Quentin Tarantino action, a dash of trying to revive Mickey Rourke's career (Barfly is a great movie, written by Bukowski no less), and top it all off by making it look so damn cool. There doesn't seem to be that much good stuff coming in the way of cool genre flicks. So this one will have to hold us over for awhile, nerdflock. Just a couple of months until Batman Begins. And then we can watch our DVD sets of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly until Serenity comes out in September.
- But what about Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith? I hear the nonexistent majority cry out. It's going to suck. You know it is. And the worse case scenario of me saying it sucks and being proven wrong is that I get to keep the sliver of myself that still loves those movies alive for a while longer. George Lucas is one of the people who, if I met in real life, I would honestly have a long internal debate about whether or not I should punch him in the face. He would stand there, his ginormous extra chin poking me in the eye, daring me to make him pay for all of the injustices he's visited upon my dorky brethren. I probably wouldn't cuz I'm a polite fella, but I would most certainly give him the stink eye. So, Revenge of the Sith, eh? Let's see what you got. Bring on the tears, fanboys!
So that's about it from the Bunker. Hope y'all have a good weekend. Keep it real, real safe. And remember: no one has freckles on the ass, use a condom!
postscript: if anyone sees Oldboy this weekend, let a brotha know what they think of it. It's supposed to be pretty good and grisly, and of course it's not playing anywhere near the butthole of the universe in which I live. *Sigh*
posted by The Neurotic Monkey @ 10:27 AM
13 Comments:
I too, enjoy Swiffers. I have dogs. It is the only thing to get all the hair up.
I think I have heard of only one of the bands you mentioned. ONE!
What the hell disappointed you so much about Spider-Man?
It wasn't bad...it just wasn't great. There was a lot of sermonizing, with people giving speeches that just went on and on. The Green Goblin was kind of weak, not doing much, and looked like a Power Ranger. Plus, Spiderman just wasn't as funny as he should've been. More quips, I say. More quips! Don't get me wrong -- there were some great parts, and Bruce Campbell kicks ass as always. Let's just hope Thomas Haden-Church kicks some tail as whatever villain he's going to be in the third one. Lowell Mather versus Seabiscuit -- let's get it on!
I also should've pointed out Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which comes out May 6. My apologies to the nerd community, we all make mistakes. But you're right: I should've known better.
You're such a cute geek. There, I had to say it.
Actually sounds like the mascot for the product. A tiny little rhesus monkey pushing the Swiffer mop around to pick up the feces it threw just moments ago, then stops, looks at the camera and chirps out, "WORKS GREAT!" Bam. Pure gold.
Fucking hysterical. I laughed my ass off. What a great visual.
And I concur. Spiderman sucked arse. I refused to watch the second one.
However, "The Punisher" was great. *purrs* Maybe it was just the man material that had me squirming in my seat more than anything else, but that was a highly enjoyable movie.
Spiderman 2 and X-men 2 were both good, although that speech in the middle of Spiderman 2 that Aunt May is soooo bad. I really wanted to see Tobey Maguire just slap her and scream, "enough, old woman!"
The last 20 minutes or so of The Punisher are okay. Mainly because it's the only time in the entire movie where he, say, PUNISHES people. also Travolta is horrible. Absolutely terrible. If there is a film equivalent to tuberculosis of the skin, it's having John Travolta ham it up on screen.
"You're the rat brain, man-animal!"
Also, Punisher came out the same weekend as KILL BILL vol. 2. How retarded is that? Let's see, one epic tale of revenge by one of the greatest directors to come around in the past 10 years...or a movie with Kevin Nash and that fat comedian who does the "you go now!" routine? Decisions, decisions.
Linds, he didn't say Spider-Man sucked arse, he said it wasn't great. Big difference there. And Rob, I think your expectations were a bit skewed, since it's a film adaptation of a comic book, and not just another comic book. The sermonizing is necessary because the viewers have to really feel attached to the heroes in a short amount of time, since most of the moviegoers hadn't grown bean reading the comics for decades. And that's why I enjoyed it so much, because it does such a great job of bridging the gap between the fan boys and the regular filmgoers.
Okay, I've said my piece about Spider-Man. There are some interesting rumors about who will be the villain in Spidey 3, and I'll probably get to it on the Gournal soon enough.
I haven't seen Punisher yet, but I may check it out. I was never into that comic, because, as the Tick says, "Superheroes and guns don't mix." But, it can't be as bad as Daredevil, right?
"I'm not the bad guy."
I would never use the term "arse," unless ironically or when drunk. I'm just not made of such strong British stuff. Although I do love the term "slag off!" but that's neither here nor there. And when i get drunk, i do enjoy affecting a Scottish accent. But that has more to do with Trainspotting than the allure of my ancestral Canadian and British homelands.
And you can easily breach the gap between the comics and the movies without a ten minute speech, Mike. In the first Spiderman, there was that long monologue where Peter Parker is telling Mary Jane how he "told" Spiderman how great Mary Jane is...and Christ did that stretch. Same with the "everyone needs heroes" speech in Spiderman 2. Holy shiznit, did those two speeches just bring everything to a grinding halt. Which therefore brings attention to the film as a film and therefore detaches the filmgoers from the characters, hence going against your argument, mike.
The best Comic Book Adaptations (thus far, until April 1; and also not counting Manga, as I don't read that stuff):
X2, The Crow, Spiderman 2 (even with the speech), American Splendor, and Hellboy. Superman 2 sneaks in.
Ghost World was a shite movie, and Road to Perdition kinda sucked too.
i never saw Constantine, Electra, or Catwoman. I'm sure it was my loss. And honestly, Sean Young will always be Catwoman to me. Because if i don't say that, she'll go on Joan Rivers's show and act all crazy!
Once again, Sin City -- the world turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo Woo Woo...
In my opinion, both of those monologues were necessary. The MJ speech was because, well, part of the Spider-Man saga is a love story. It could've been better, but something like that had to happen for the love story to be really solid. Raimi does a good job of making us really understand and care about these characters in limited time.
Aunt May's speech in 2 didn't bring it to a halt, I saw it as bringing the story back on track(the "halt" you speak of was Peter qutting Spider-Man). I like how Aunt May keeps him grounded, and how much he sacrifices and risks by being a superhero.
I didn't really think of American Splendor as a comic adaptation, but I suppose it is, and I liked it. Hellboy was kind of cool, but I wasn't familiar with the comic and liked it more for the watered-down Lovecraftian "Gods of Chaos."
Ghost World was disapointing, and not worthy of Steve Buscemi's time. Superman 2 was cool (glad the new one is finally coming together for real this time, with Singer), and I did like Road to Perdition a lot, although I know nothing of the comic and how well it was adapted. I liked The Crow but I haven't seen it in years.
I saw Constantine, and it's worth checking out: it looked like Matrix 4 to me (blech), but I was pleasantly surprised. Replace "I know kung fu" with "I know exorcisms," and you're off to a good start. There are some very dark themes, which are handled with some humor. There are a few plot holes, but you might like it anyway.
As far as Catwoman goes, even Hall Berry said it was a piece of shit, so there ya go.
While we're on the topic of Spider-Man, I thought I'd post this. It's a list of the worst villains from the Spidey comics, pretty funny shit:
http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/spideyvillains.htm
Spoilers abound below!
First of all -- I liked the Matrix trilogy. Yeah, I said it. I think Reloaded is a solid film, and is infinitely better than the first film. Revolutions...well, here's where things get a lil murky. First off -- the Trinity dying scene was pretty bad. It was so long and badly written people in the theater kept screaming out "die already!" And the ending doesn't make 100% sense, and they should've gone with a small white child to replace the deceased Gloria Foster -- that would've made some sort of sense, at least in terms of the movie's own explanation. But the fighting scenes in Zion and the final fight between Neo and Smith is cool. I'm a nerd and I'll flog myself after I post this.
And now -- yeah, I'm not letting it go -- to the point of the Vagina, I mean Spiderman, Monologues. You can have Parker insinuate to MJ that he loves her without a ten minute speech. It's just messy and lazy writing. He lists all of her attributes and it just goes on and on -- while in the background, Aunt May attempts to pull the plug on herself just to escape the sap.
And as for Spiderman 2's monologue -- the movie didn't come to a halt when Parker quit being Spiderman. Not only was it an amazing adaptation of the "Spiderman No More" issue (with its memorable John Romita cover), but also tackled the real reason why Parker was Spiderman; it shows that there's nothing to gain from putting on the mask, and that his life is made a whole helluva lot less complicated without the webbing -- but he still goes back to it cuz at the end of the day he has a code of honor.
The Aunt May speech, while essentially good (and I suspect it is the main part that Michael Chabon worked on, and he seized his chance to philosophize about caped crusaders) just goes to long. It's called editing; either in the script or in celluloid. Long speeches aren't natural, aren't realistic, and they call attention to themselves; especially when they are as heavy handed as that speech.
But let's just agree to disagree. I still enjoyed Spiderman 2, I just think that the speechifying gets tedious, and also far too many people (and villains) know that Parker = Spiderman; Parker's worst fear is that people from his human life will collide with people from his metahuman life, and he strives to prevent that (usually doing a poor job). So if you are constantly blurring the line by having the two worlds collapse into one, the dramatic tension is lost -- Spiderman is about the change from childhood to manhood, and if you take that duality away, you're just left with a teenager, and no one wants that.
And do you remember when Spiderman was imbued with the power of Captain Universe? And Spiderman was flying around and shooting power blasts? Holy carp was that horrible.
Speaking of The Matrix Trilogy and painful dialogue...
NEO: You can't die.
TRINITY: Yes...I can.
[shudder]
An re: Aunt May's speech, I also noticed some Chabon in there, which is why I like it. The film needed something to wrap up his "retirement," and what better than words of wisdom from his conscience.
I don't remember Spidey getting Captain Universe's powers, must've blocked it out. But I have a comic in which Superman joins forces with the Quik Bunny, so I got that going for me.
Also, re: your latest post about never having a real job...keep it up. I'm going nuts here. Human beings weren't meant to live in cubicles. I was thinking of knocking down my cubicle wall a la Office Space, but there's a person on the other side. Drat!
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