Tra la lala lala...Oh no! It's Gargamel! And Azrael!
Here's my take on my lil nonsense quiz. Enjoy, suckabrains!
1. Which would you want: The Power of Flight or Invisibility?
A: Flight. Invisibility conjures up too many ethical problems. With Flight you save gas money, get endorsement deals, and lets not forget about the honeys -- all those smokin hot Flying Guy groupies. Also, with modern security equipment detecting body heat, movement, and sound -- Invisibility just ain't what it used to be.
2. Name three ways to skin a cat.
A: A. CutCo knife (those things can cut through cans! CANS!), B. expose them to that Gas that turns people inside out, then reach into their mouths and pull out their epidermis, C. Drop the cat into your local sociopath's backyard, wait a week, and then presto -- you got yourself a new cat skin.
3. Would you rather be a Pirate or a Ninja? Why or Why Not?
A: Pirate. This was a toughy. So many things to consider: outifit, weaponry, possibility for promotion and adventure, etc. I love me some katana blades, and those ninja throwing stars are pretty cool to break out at a party. But then consider the Pirate Life -- traveling the world wearing a lot of scarves. Plus, with a pirate you can easily move up the corporate ladder to become Pirate Captain and/or Pirate King and get your own island. Your arsenal includes a pistol, a sword, and some cannons. Then there's the wenches. My god man, the wenches! And lastly -- the shanties! You get to sing shanties to fill in yer time. Ninjas don't sing shanties -- I don't think ninjas even get to sing anything. Maybe they recite haiku. Haiku is no replacement for shanties.
4. You beat the devil in an arm wrestling contest. The world throws you a party complete with punch and confetti. What song is playing in the background?
A: Duh. "You're the Best" from The Karate Kid. Or maybe "Invincible" by Pat Benatar.
5. Which would you rather control: A Robot Servant or an Army of Monkeys?
A: Robot Servant all the way. Monkeys require upkeep, medical attention, supervision, and feeding. Robots are all good in that department while at the same time they're nigh indestructible. Whereas monkeys can easily get squished by...say...a sassy robot maid.
6. Your life story is FINALLY coming to the big screen. But it will can only be told in one of two mediums: Puppets or Flash Animation. Which do you choose?
A: Flash Animation. Puppets rock in their own felt way and really play up my own absurdity. But to capture the imaginary riffs, insane tangents, and surreal chatter that goes on in me noggin -- animation is the way to go.
7. Where/Who would your ghost haunt?
A: The Haunted Mansion at Disneyworld. Sure, I'd be bitter that everyone would look at my floating ectoplasmic self and think"Those Imagineers are Brilliant!" But outweigh that against smacking bratty kids and fucking with German tourists, and I still go with my choice.
8. What song was playing the first time you DID IT? Which song do you wish had been playing? Which song best defines the moment?
A: It wasn't a specific song but instead a Mix CD I had made for the lady. Which, in its own nerdy way, is the perfect musical accompaniement for me. The song that best defines the moment is probably either "Under Pressure" by David Bowie featuring Queen or It's Gonna be All Right" by Ween. Maybe "Loser" by Beck. Le sigh.
9. You can control any element of nature (Earth, Water, Wind, Fire -- and no, not Heart. Heart's not a real element. It was made up for dirty South Americans.). Which do you choose?
A: Fire. Sure, Earth has the more possibilities and I was most attracted to the Water Planeteer (the protogenesis for my Yellow Fever?). But for sheer coolness and badassery, one most go with Fire. Imagine lighting your cigarette with your mind. That's right ladies -- I'm that cool. 'Sup.
10. Santa's Elves ask you to help them rebel against their Corpulent Overlord. Do you accept and lead them to freedom, thereby canceling christmas OR do you decline and force them to make you a PSP?
A: I help them and then screw them over. First I lead them in bloody revolution over their obese master -- for the price of a PSP and a Segway (that I later sell on Ebay). Once Santa is lying in a pool of his own blood and those little hands are lifting me up, that's when I unleash my plan of selling them into slavery to some multinational corporation. Take that, you tiny fuckers!
11. You meet President Bush, Carson Daly (or Jimmy Fallon, if you prefer), and George Lucas all at once. You only have time to punch one of them in the face. Who do you choose? Who do you choose?
A: Lucas. The way I figure it, Bush has a whole team behind him that needs punchin'. Singling him out wouldn't provide me the satisfaction I need. Daly knows he's a tool, so there's no fun in that.
12. What song best sums up your childhood?
A: "American Music" by Violent Femmes or "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by Beach Boys.
13. You can either be the captain of an old timey submarine or a Zeppelin. Choose!
A: The Zep. Did anyone choose the submarine? I would rock that Zeppelin hardcore and make people call me "Lord of the Skies"!
14. Rock, Paper, or Scissors.
A: Rock.
15. What's the worst thing you can imagine running into on Acid? As in your grandma, a big dog, a small pack of kids, etc.
A: A security guard. What makes them such a formidable presence when on Acid is that they represent a quandary between the real world and the world of your drug addled mind. Security guards don't have any real power, they are hollow symbols of faux authority. But in that LSD haze, suddenly anyone with a semblance of authoritative power becomes an overbearing giant. So on the one hand your mind is sure that this guy is a badass law enforcer and the other half of you is thinking "Who's the schmuck in the sunglasses?"
16. Jesus has a talk with you. He wants you to pass on a one sentence message to the rest of the world. What's the sentence?
A: "Just leave me out of it."
17. You have to choose a tag team partner for life out of this bunch: Hulk Hogan, Steve Guttenberg, Ultimate Warrior, Paul Wolfowitz, Jennifer Beals, Iron Sheik, Andy Kaufman, Carl Weathers, Phylicia Rashad, Craig T. Nelson, Kerri Strug, Tom Selleck, Lynda Carter, David Byrne, Ernie Hudson, or Ubu the Dog.
A: The Ultimate Warrior. He narrowly edges out Selleck. That guy is batshit crazy and can rock the neon colors like no other!
Thanks for participating! Y'all come back now, y'hear! Oh and check out the song "The Transfiguration" by Sufjan Stevens off his Seven Swans album. Gracias a Drizzle. And just say NO to gypsies.
posted by The Neurotic Monkey @ 12:44 PM
5 Comments:
1. Flight, when I was little I would always say I would be invisible cuz I could fly for free anyway...but alas flying commercially sucks payment or no plus where am I gonna hide? can I not partake in the airplane food and booze cuz it will freak everyone out and give me away? Too many complications and I'd probably just end up using it to be a perv (postscript: flight always comes w/ questions how fast? can you carry others? Is it strenuous?)
2. Isn't skinning a cat something you can do on a swingset when you flip yourself around backwards, a larger version of that egg de-sheller on the infomercial, go to Flint, MI appparently they'll skin anything there
3. Hard, harder after reading your answer...gave me alot to think about...still have to go Ninja...I think my strenghths and weaknesses physically are better suited to a Ninja...Don't particularly want to be stuck on a ship with a bunch of other pirates (esp. you Dean..you'd get grabby)...although I probably won't get laid much (don't think the Ninja's get much lovin') but if I did roll over to see I did a bad bad thing I could just throw down one of those smoke balls and be out...actually I would use that smoke bomb to avoid all the awkward things that happen in my life, hey waved at that Jill and she didn't see me I still have my hand in the air like a jack-ass---smoke bomb (I'd need alot of smoke bombs)
4. Excellent decision on "Your the Best"..."We are the Champions" is always a solid choice....always thought "Race for the Prize" (Flaming Lips) would be a cool victory song
5. This one is all monkeys baby....I don't even need an army just a few that can be my butlers....
6. Animation I think it would capture the true essense of my problem with substances
7. Easy I would go from high school to high school (I keep being dead and they stay the same age....this is why invisibility is a bad choice for me)
8. "Me and My Crazy World" by Lost Boyz...although I remember the song it has no meaning to me the fire alarm could have been going off I was locked into attempting to not seem surprised...the experience...with me...probably something like "the Art of Storytellin" (the one with the trumpets from Aquemini) by Outkast
9.Fire...I'm a boy...as you can tell from my answers a very simple boy
10. Here what's bullshit about you Dean that was not an and/or question just or alright quit cheating......Overthrow Santa I got love for anyone under 5ft
11. Lucas- This one you answered perfectly so I defer to you
12. Snow's Informer cuz his flow represents my hyper-activity... his canadian-rapperness is analagous to how cool I was and how cool I thought I was...and the fact I remember the sounds but not the words is very similar to the fact that I remember being a kid but I'm alittle fuzzy on the details
13. Zep- I want the question answered, did anyone choose submarine?
14. Rock
15. Now that I work....my boss or even a co-worker...scares me just thinking about it...might be okay during but on the come down I would bug out
16. You guys have done a great job...really followed my message to the T
17. One of the toughest calls (did you know one of the many Ultimate Warriors actually changed his name legally to be the same as his moniker)...got to go Sellick I mean the Stach will help get us laid, get rich, and not get our ass kicked with out us lifting a finger..plus it really helps distract people from the spotty growth on my muzzle
1.) Flight, Then I could visit all my harem members on a regular basis.
2.) Rock, Paper, Scissors. Oh, Waittasecond. (PS, I almost WORKED for Cutco up here in the Great White North. Almost.)
3.) Pirate, all the fucking way. Hawt.
4.) "Sympathy For the Devil" -- Rolling Stones.
5.)Robot army. as long as they were REALISTIC robots. Really well hung realistic robots.
6.) Flash animation. I'm not chintzy enough for puppets, plus my hair is WAY too anime in the morning.
7.) Hrm. I'd enjoy scaring the holy hell out of people during seances. That would be fun.
8.)Ugh, Bryan Adams "I'm ready to Love you." because I had NO taste when I was 18. Gad, I wish it was anything else OTHER than that. As for what it could be, Anything but Bryan Adams. Perhaps some blues, like B. B. King.
9.) Earth. I'm a Taurus, so I'm an earth sign by nature, but while Fire consumes, Water smothers, and Air feeds; Earth cradles and supports. That's what it's really all about.
10.) I'm the same boat as you, Neurotic. Cept I'd make them MY slaves, and Santa can go rot in the dungeon. Parents buy all the presents anyways, and Santa always stuffs my stocking full of crap.
11.) Lucas, he keeps on slaughtering Star Wars with every new continuation, the git.
12.) Now, it would be "There Must Be A Better World, Somewhere" -- B.B. King.
When I was younger, "Summertime" by George and Ira Gershwin, from the musical Porgy and Bess.
13.) Fuck, seriously NO ONE picked the submarine yet? What, are John, George, Ringo and Paul not good enough company for you? Submarine ALL the way. Plus, those pants get me wet.
Or is that the leak?
14.) Scissors. Cuz I like sharp things. Like wit... And scissors.
15.) Hm. Grandma would be terrifying. I'm still scared of the woman when she's pissed off. Tres formidable.
16.) "Bugger this! You fucked it all up!"
17.)The Ultimate Warrior. Nice arms, hawt in those neon strips of arm whateverthefucktassel thingies, but I bet he's hung like a hampster.
with the ghost question - initially I thought I would haunt a haunted house ride at a fair, but I decided not to put that because it was a little silly. told you birds of a feather.
also, childhood song: b. spears "overprotected"
Ok. I think in the future, you should ask questions and answer them after eveyone else answered hem cause when you put this witty-ness (i believe i should have said witticism, but I've had one to many double-and-a-half bloody marys) but what the hell was i saying.? oh, yeah so when you post something witty like that most of us are going to be too intimidated to answer them.
and thanks for the comment. i'm going to make it friends only because, now that my anger has subsided, i can see how it might be construed as slander. so as a non-livejournal user, you wont be able to read it anymore. but i still thank you.
Dean you rock. I'm so glad you are alive and dont hate me. come out soon.
cheers,
jordania
Just to Clarify--
She means "come out" to California, where she lives.
Jordan -- I'm trying to mack it on tha blog tip over here, so if you could not blow my spot with all this "come out" stuff, that'd be great.
And just because I took a contract out on your life and sold your story to Cinemax, does not mean I hate you. Remember that.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home