"But...Mr. Monkey....I Thought You Were Dead!!!"

"I Was!"

Hello, my nonexistent and yet still hostile audience.

Howzitgoin?

Yes, I know I haven't written on this for over a month now. I've got some good excuses though! In the past month and a half, I've been waylaid by long and busy hours at work, illness, a transit strike, the holidays, some preoccupying and absorbing turn of events in my life, and a general laziness and lack of something to say.

Well I'm back, muthafuckas.

And there's things I need to talk about. Stuff I need to get to. Celebrities that need gossipmongering. Obscure references that need to be made.

More importantly, it's time I get back on schedule. So barring any horrible toxic attacks, giant robot rebellions (amendment - FURTHER giant robot rebellion), or a case of the sniffles - I will be updating this blog 4-5 times a week. They may not always be gems, but they're there.

But it's not just me that's goin to be puttin in the long hours and doin the hard work. Oh no, mon ami, oh no*. You, gentle reader, have a twofold mission laid out before you.

I've been approached by a couple of my friends, who ask me about my blog and updating said blog. Well here's the thing - Don't Talk to me in Public about my blog. It's embarrassing for both of us, and everyone comes off looking like a geek. But in all seriousness, the point I'm getting at is that no one comments on this blog. So there's really no sign of any feedback or reception. Comments can give way to conversation and new topics. They create discussion, growth, and even a sense of community. They let me know the minds & hearts of you, my adorable and incredibly fuckable audience. They let me know what you like, and what you think I need to improve on (first up? not call you "fuckable"). So task # 1 for anyone reading this piece right now:

1) LEAVE A FRICKIN COMMENT!

I don't care if you think it's stupid or not that witty. It doesn't have to be witty or funny or memorable. It can be a simple "true dat" or a pithy "i disagree!". I don't care. Just write something to prove you're reading this. To prove someone else is. I'm sicking of hearing from people that they read something but didn't comment. Just write something, for christ's sake. Even if it's just a quote from a song or a movie. Anything. And for all those that regularly respond - Drewzzle, Camps, the always fun & memorable Erin, formerly Eagle Eye & Jules - I appreciate your participation and encourage you to do more of it. This little blog isn't me just screaming to myself or yelling at God - that's what the shower is for. This blog is meant to be a chance to broach a topic and see how others feel about it. So please let me know what you're thinking - even if it's off topic.

And yes, that includes commenting on THIS post.

The second task isn't nearly as altruistic.

2) Tell 5 People about this site.

Yup, I'm asking y'all to become my street team and plug my site. Lame? Definitely. But I've grown stale and unhappy in my cubicular prison. And if this blog can possibly be an avenue of escape, then so be it! So tell people, and then they tell 5 friends, and then they tell 5 friends, and so on, and so on. Maybe I'm not everyone's cup o tea, but at least people will read what I write, and the chances of me climbing out of corporate Hell increases. So, if you would please, tell 5 people about this site and have them visit me and see if it's to their liking.


So there's ya mission, if you choose to accept it. And I hope that you do.

So here's to the New Year!

Consider this Neurotic Monkey 3.0. Or Season 3. This is the one where everything goes all CRAZY. It's kind of a let down after season 2, but still miles above and beyond anything in Season 4.

On tap: a desire for vengeance goes unsated, some quizzes, a dip back into the Nerd Pool, and the return of an American Hero.



See you in a few, True Believers!







*(Translation: Oh no, my friend, oh no. - Editor.)