Revenge of the Bitch

"I have learned that I really cannot be destroyed."

That's a quote from Martha Stewart in the November 14th issue of Fortune magazine. I found the quotes in this news bit here, which mainly details how Trump and Martha don't really like each other. But back to that initial quote: How creepy is that line? It's not like she said "I've been given a new lease on life" or "I will bounce back stronger", both of which are pleasant and upbeat ways of talking about coming back from a scandal and prison time.

In fact, this quote seems less like a positive look to the future and more like an ominous threat portending the end of times. It reminds me of that crazy speech Bill Murray's character makes at the end of Kingpin -- "Finally, Big Ern is above the law!"

In the article, she also talks about her plans to buy K-Mart when that chain declared bankrupt. She would've called it KMartha (kinda clever...right?). What I really like about this is the image of K-Martha versus that behemoth of mediocre merchandise -- WalMart. WalMart vs. KMartha, and all I can picture is some Japanese Kaiju Man-In-Suit action over a small model city. WalMart is a blob-like creature, with tentacles and eyes growing out of all the wrong places, all wrapped up in that blue vest they place on all of their prisoners/employees. WalMart's mode of attack is to subdue and consume all of its enemies, while K-Martha merely wishes to dominate and rule over her subjects with an iron rolling pin.

Here's the scenario: Released by evil Corporate executives to increase their profit share, WalMart soon gets out of control and begins to grow exponentially. The disgusting creature continues to run amok, absorbing all small Mom & Pop stores while enslaving many asian and mexican children. The government is getting desperate and afraid, but since it's a laissez faire economy, there's nothing they can do about it. Then they turn to their good friend Donald Trump who promises them the biggest and baddest monster ever seen in the world. "She's 'uge," he tells the Cabinet who all nod as if they actually believe what he's trying to sell.

Then Trump, using a lovely pumpkin chutney sprinkled over warmed apple cobbler, summons K-Martha to challenge and destroy Wal Mart. Fighting ensues, with K-Martha using both her cold WASPy exclusionary tactics along with her prison style knife moves, and the WalMart ends up being defeated when it is sealed in a lovely plaster container that KMartha has made using flaxen, newspaper clippings, and the blood of the innocent. KMartha returns back into the mysterious and untamed land of Suburban Connecticut, where she waits in frigid hibernation until her people need her again....

Meanwhile, the Battle Royale is still engaging below. Continue to place your bets and predictions as to who will win each of the fights, and eventually I'll comment. The more people that weigh in, the better it'll be when I release the final tally of decisions.