Curiouser and Curiouser
All right, as down time on my work increases, I can make it sound and look like I'm doing work by simply typing shit up on my blog.
And hopefully not everyone's left my humble tiny lil blog site. It's a simple place, but you once used to love it. Admit it, a part of you STILL loves it.
So what better way to re-introduce ourselves and ease back into the flow than through the old fashioned, patent pending
MONKEY QUESTIONNAIRE!!
Woo.
Here goes:
1) What would you rather know: Magic or How to Invent Anything (and no you can't invent a machine that teaches you magic, and you can't use your magic to invent any machines)?
2) The fate of everyone you love hangs in the balance as a group of merciless demons challenge you to a contest. In which form do you battle them: Rock Paper Scissors, Thumb Wrestling, Connect Four, or Hungry Hungry Hippos?
3) What's the worst thing you've ever said and meant?
4) Hovercar or X-Ray Specs that work?
5) Who would win in a fight: An Off Balance Eagle with Flamebreath vs. a Laser Armed Near Sighted Shark?
6) Do you consider these to be your golden years? Are they still ahead? Have you passed them by?
7) Who runs BarterTown?
8) You've won a sweepstakes created by the President of the United States of America. He and Congress will pass whatever bill you write. Without doing anything cheap (like "All My Bills Will Be Passed" etc), what is your bill?
9) What's funnier: Random NonLethal Violence OR A Well Timed Fart?
10) Ventriloquist Dummies: Annoying or Creepy?
12) What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
13) Not counting OC, Melrose Place, 90210 or any other prime time melodramas, have you ever watched a daytime soap opera for a significant amount of time? If so, which one?
14) Who is the most annoying game show host of all time?
15) Are there such things as Angels and/or Demons?
16) Do you like to dance? Is it important that your significant other likes to dance?
17) Do you like Jazz music? Why or Why Not?
18) Colonel Sanders versus Ronald McDonald -- there can be only one. Who Survives?
19) What's your favorite bad movie? And not in an ironic MST3K way, but in a Michael Bay/Cocktail/Idiotheque way.
20) What do you wish your nickname was?
21)Do you spend most of the day smiling or glowering?
22) You are given time on the world's most popular TV show, but are only allowed to say one phrase. It will be heard and understood the world over. What do you say?
23) If you could be married to any fictional character, who would it be and why?
24) Would you rather have superstrength or the gift of flight?
25) what's something you recommend, but no one EVER takes you up on?
26) What's something that occurs on a daily basis that pisses you off? And if there were no repercussions and you were allowed to finally react to it, what would you do to this stimulus?
Answer away, bitches. Also--remember there is no NEITHER. There can be an EITHER, but never a NEITHER. Don't be lame.
posted by The Neurotic Monkey @ 12:58 PM
8 Comments:
Bonjour.
1. What do you mean I can't use my magic to invent any machines? And what kind of magic? Like wizzardry? If it's Merlin stuff then count me in. If it's David Copperfield stuff then count me out. At that point I would rather invent a machine to turn David Copperfields into wet dog food can covers. I mean at least be useful.
2. Connect four buddy. Rock paper scissors, while quality, could be tricky with demons. You never know who's throwing out paper at that strategic moment. And thumb wrestling I've never been too good at. And hungry hippos, while a totally enjoyable game, always has that one gimp hippo and I don't need that kind of added stress during a duel with demons.
3. One of the better lines I came up with but never said, but Becca, Tara & Victoria will remember, is "I don't know what you're saying about me, but I could say something much worse about you and it'd be true." Worst things... that is sort of hard to define - I mean, meanest? Most offensive? Most hurtful? I couldn't remember anything specific I don't think... but I've said something in each category. More often than not my horrible comments are directed at persons who are simply walking by while I'm sitting/driving/standing there feeling bitchy, annoyed and stressed. When my patience ends my bitchiness kicks in fast.
4. Hovercar I think. That would just rock. How far does it hover though? Like 20ft? Or like 2ft? 2ft give me the specs probably, 20ft, I'm pissing people off in traffic by zooming overhead.
5. Okay this one is close. The eagle has the advantage of flame breath, which for a sea animal is going to cause some serious damage. However the shark just has to sort of aim at the blurry spot that keeps falling over and it can really hurt the eagle. Where are they warring? Near the shore? Depending on depth (and chance for beaching itself) I would say Shark - it can nick the eagle easier than I feel the eagle can eventually scorch the shark.
6. I do consider these my golden years because if you hear people talk they always refer back to their twenties with so much enjoyment. Before kids, the mortgage, meopause and arthritis.
7. What the hell is BarterTown? The dollar store downtown? I have no idea. Sal?
8. Can I combine initiatives and hide little clauses like they do? If so, big headliner would be Abortion is Legal, then Environment will be protected (physically and through processes like recycling, electric cars, etc.) and improved educational funding.
9. Nonlethal violence (steak to Napoleon’s face is a good example). One fart can fuck the whole airplane.
10. Annoying.
12. Hmm… I watched the line up of Rescue Rangers, Tailspin, Ducktales & Darkwing Duck for a while. I will always have love for Ducktales & Rescue Rangers. And X-men and Gargoyles. They were cool but Storm’s voice annoyed me and Jean was always pathetic. Oh wait! The Tick – that’s probably my favorite. Shout out to Eek the Cat though also.
13. Oh I have Dean, I have. I turned on the TV when it was summer and I was going into 7th grade and these two kids fall down a ditch on whatever channel I had switched onto. And so I started watching whatever this show was to find out what happens. My sister comes in and is like “you know they’re not going to solve this anytime soon, right?” But I didn’t believe her and figured surely by at least FRIDAY they would solve something. That lead to a quality year following of All My Children, with a decent following of One Life to Live and General Hospital. In the beginning with that one storyline I watched religiously because I wanted to find out what happened to the kids, and one month later they were rescued (bah!), but past that I watched whichever was on when I was eating lunch. It’s funny too, because even now I can completely follow the story line if I run into one of them – nothing has changed. It’s great. 8 years and I’ve barely missed anything.
14. I don’t know too many game show hosts but I have to think that the guy who did, what was it, Password I think, he was annoying. From what I’ve seen he was a douche. Was it password? The game where the say “If it weren’t for her BLANK, Ms. Muffet would still be eating porridge.”
15. Is it wrong to somehow inherently believe in one and not the other?
16. I do like to dance and no I don’t care if Chris likes to. I also don’t go “dancing” like the Golden Girls. Chris doing lyrical jazz isn’t important to me, but if the need arises for a nice quality old-timey dance, it’d be nice if he knew how.
17. Yes – I love the rhythm of it and the way the music can fade in and out so smoothly.
18. Don’t fuck with the colonel.
19. Ha, you’ll love this one – horrible! Horrible movie! I love it. Nearly bought it but didn’t – still curse myself for passing up that $3 opportunity. Point Of No Return, baby. Ahhhh yeah.
20. Um… I have no idea. Jules works for me.
21. Probably more on the glowering side but not always that sullen. More of a bored look really. A bored longing look because I look straight out a window to a grassy area where puppies play.
22. Live and let live.
23. Gambet. That dude is just hot.
24. Flight.
25. I recommend green tea to everyone but people rarely listen. GREEN TEA people. Listen to me, I know everything.
26. Oooh, two come to mind.
a.) People who have conversations in the bathroom. What the fuck? Do you enjoy inhaling people’s poop air while chatting like hens over the fact that your kid just sat up, spit up, or shit out something spectacular? I NEVER understand this – WHY the bathroom? It is bad smelling and not a viable place for anything other then “hey.” Given no repercussions I would probably walk out of my stall, bitch all the hens out, and either slap or simply shove them out the door. If they fell into a heap just outside it that would be cool to.
b.) People use the term “ramp up” around here a lot – mainly to kiss ass and show they are part of the “team” here. I HATE that phrase. With no repercussions I would probably just flick them straight between the eyes. Or punch them in the balls. Depending on what was currently available. God I loathe that phrase.
1. Magic. Inventing is work and I would imagine takes resources and tools and maybe even elbow grease. Magic seems like less work, maybe a little more "gay", but less work.
2. Oh my God I am sooooo good at connect four. Member that travel connect four I had, which to be honest was the perfect size and full version of connect four seems unnecessary, plus this one you can put in your pocket, ya know, for travel. And don;t worry loved ones, I never lose!
3. "You are ugly, don't you ever forget that."
4.X-Ray Specs for crotch checking.
5. How would these two fight anyways? On the surface of the water?? I am going to go with the shark, cause the laser seem like the only weapon in this match up that could do any damage.
6. I have def passed by my golden years, you know the ones where I slept with a bunch of people and everyone wanted to sleep with me. It's like you gain 20lbs and you are gross or something. I woudl say these are my pathetic alone feel sorry for myself years.
7.Barter Billy and his Band of Bartendars.
8. Def free the Gays!! We are sick of being your fashion slaves America! Fuck You!
9. I think a well timed fart, I mean REALLY well timed, is just about the funniest thing ever. Besides people falling down.
10. Creepy!! Annoying too, but oh so creepy.
11. No eleven?? Good, I hate eleven too! She is not invited to my party.
12. Def Scooby Doo, i used to watch it every morning. And seeing it as a grown-up I wonder if I actually followed the mystery when I was little, like paid attention to the clues and came up with my own hypothesis, or if I just stared blankly at the colorful pictures on the screen.
13. What are you crazy?! NO way! but I do enjoy me some judge shows! "I don't like people playing on my phone!"
14. Louie Anderson!!!!
15. Sure, and I am sure i slept with a few of them, demons most likely.
16. I am dance. no more questions.
17. sure, if it's the 1920s.
18. Is this a racist question? I refuse to answer.
19. The Three Ninjas w/out a doubt.
20. Not Mr. Spanky, that's already been taken. Hows about Jailbait or CumDumpster.
21. huh, what is "glowering", if it has anythign to do with glowworms, I certainly don't have an illegal shipment in my basement....
22. Fuck me!
23. Heman, for obvious reasons, or the "Man from Nantucket"
24. flight, with gas prices the way they are....
25. a blumpkin.
26. all these day labos sit outside of starbucks, giving me weird looks and mumbling in spanish when all i want is a god damn triple venti skim latte. It's like walking down a soultrain line of short dirty mexicans. I would def call INS, as a matter of fact I will call INS!!!
1) What would you rather know: Magic or How to Invent Anything (and no you can't invent a machine that teaches you magic, and you can't use your magic to invent any machines)?
Magic, as long as it was Black Magic, so those pins in my little poppets would finally start doing their job.
2) The fate of everyone you love hangs in the balance as a group of merciless demons challenge you to a contest. In which form do you battle them: Rock Paper Scissors, Thumb Wrestling, Connect Four, or Hungry Hungry Hippos?
Depends on the demons. Do they have thumbs? If not, I’m totally thumb wrestling them. If so, I’m still thumb wrestling, because I’ve always wanted to touch the hand of Satan.
3) What's the worst thing you've ever said and meant?
I want to gouge out your eyes and feed them to your asshole.
4) Hovercar or X-Ray Specs that work?
Hovercar.
5) Who would win in a fight: An Off Balance Eagle with Flamebreath vs. a Laser Armed Near Sighted Shark?
No idea.
6) Do you consider these to be your golden years? Are they still ahead? Have you passed them by?
I feel like these are supposed to be the golden years, yet I still haven’t quite figured out why I’m not reaping the benefits of being a member of this precious and exciting time…I think later in life I’ll look back and say, wow, you really had it made…you’re whole life ahead of you and all that bullshit. And sadly, I’ll probably do that same thing again 10 years after that. And so it goes. The golden years never end.
7) Who runs BarterTown?
The Mayor?
8) You've won a sweepstakes created by the President of the United States of America. He and Congress will pass whatever bill you write. Without doing anything cheap (like "All My Bills Will Be Passed" etc), what is your bill?
Does it matter? It’s not like anyone is going to care, or even pay attention. Does the government really still pretend to do things? Aren’t all the politicians sitting around licking Dorito cheese off their chubby sausage fingers, talking about par fours and which intern’s face got the last splooge shot? Oh, I know, I’d make a bill to cut off the Dorito supply to DC. And cameras in public bathroom stalls.
9) What's funnier: Random NonLethal Violence OR A Well Timed Fart?
The fart, for sure. Excuse me.
10) Ventriloquist Dummies: Annoying or Creepy?
Totally creepy and annoying. Why one or the other?
12) What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
Jem and the Holograms. Glamour. Glitter. Fashion. Fame. Who could ask for anything more? And who doesn’t want a boyfriend with purple hair who drives a Roadster?
13) Not counting OC, Melrose Place, 90210 or any other prime time melodramas, have you ever watched a daytime soap opera for a significant amount of time? If so, which one?
Sadly, I used to ditch out of my afternoon high school classes to eat macaroni and cheese and watch “Passions.”
14) Who is the most annoying game show host of all time?
I guess Regis, although I don’t know if that counts because he is definitely a scary robot-clone that the government created to distract Americans from the $2389478326493276/gallon gas prices, and oh yeah, that little scuffle in Iraq.
15) Are there such things as Angels and/or Demons?
Sure, they are my thumb wrestling buddies.
16) Do you like to dance? Is it important that your significant other likes to dance?
Yes and Yes!!
17) Do you like Jazz music? Why or Why Not?
I don’t not like it, and I have an appreciation for it, and the history behind it…but it’s not the first thing I would choose to listen to, even over a candlelight dinner and a foot massage…I save those moments for Rob Zombie.
18) Colonel Sanders versus Ronald McDonald -- there can be only one. Who Survives?
Ronald McDonald would probably pelt those colored plastic balls at the Colonel until he had a heart attack. Yeeeeah, greasy chicken…stuff.
19) What's your favorite bad movie? And not in an ironic MST3K way, but in a Michael Bay/Cocktail/Idiotheque way.
!! Idiotheque…why I oughta…It’s a toss-up between all those cheesy 80s brat pack/dancing movies. Although St. Elmo’s Fire is NOT included. That fucking movie sucked.
20) What do you wish your nickname was?
I love my nickname, but I wish it would catch on more…Rims, short for Rimsy.
21)Do you spend most of the day smiling or glowering?
I have crinkles in my forehead from decades of boo hiss faces.
22) You are given time on the world's most popular TV show, but are only allowed to say one phrase. It will be heard and understood the world over. What do you say?
“All you hotties out there, you better be calling me…here’s my number (wave sign with phone number) now come get some of this!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaahoooooooo Brad I love you!!”
23) If you could be married to any fictional character, who would it be and why?
Leonardo DiCaprio as the retarded kid in Gilbert Grape…because I love retards, and I think we’d have a pretty good time.
24) Would you rather have superstrength or the gift of flight?
Stan? Is that you? Flight.
25) what's something you recommend, but no one EVER takes you up on?
Peanut butter and Pickle sandwiches…and the Shocker.
26) What's something that occurs on a daily basis that pisses you off? And if there were no repercussions and you were allowed to finally react to it, what would you do to this stimulus?
My cd player in my car skips! I would tell that asshole to cut it out, and then I’d replace it with a bumpin sound system so my ’99 hot rod Camry would be nobody’s business!
Dean,
You've been found out! I will be reporting your ill use of company time to the big bosses upstairs! Your reign of Administrative terror is at an end here at eChalk! Time to hand in your soda machine key and eChalk t-shirt!
Haha, just kidding, you can keep the t-shirt ...
Good to have you back Dean!
1) What would you rather know: Magic or How to Invent Anything (and no you can't invent a machine that teaches you magic, and you can't use your magic to invent any machines)?
Magic, it's much handier in a pinch. Besides, if you're good enough, then magic abilities could take the place of doohikeys you would have invented.
2) The fate of everyone you love hangs in the balance as a group of merciless demons challenge you to a contest. In which form do you battle them: Rock Paper Scissors, Thumb Wrestling, Connect Four, or Hungry Hungry Hippos?
Rock paper scissors, and I'd pick rock every time. Nothing beats rock. NOTHING.
3) What's the worst thing you've ever said and meant?
"That girl looks like she came out of her mom's ass."
It's true, that girl was busted.
4) Hovercar or X-Ray Specs that work?
If I had magic, then I'd be able to hover and look through girls' clothes anyway. But for the purpose of this question, I guess I'd have to pick the pimp ride.
5) Who would win in a fight: An Off Balance Eagle with Flamebreath vs. a Laser Armed Near Sighted Shark?
I'm a BC alum, so I'm picking the eagle. Besides, the shark would have a harder time because the laser has to be more precise, but firebreath encompasses a wide cone in front of the breather. At least that's how I see it.
6) Do you consider these to be your golden years? Are they still ahead? Have you passed them by?
I've had some good times, but I'd like to think I have more coming to me. I've got that hovercar to look forward too, right?
7) Who runs BarterTown?
The C.H.U.D.s!
8) You've won a sweepstakes created by the President of the United States of America. He and Congress will pass whatever bill you write. Without doing anything cheap (like "All My Bills Will Be Passed" etc), what is your bill?
Anyone who flys a Confederate flag gets whipped, has his name changed, is separated from his family, and is sold into slavery. The South WILL NOT rise again, Bubba Ray.
9) What's funnier: Random NonLethal Violence OR A Well Timed Fart?
Nonlethal violance, like Homer Simpson using a gun to open a can of beer.
10) Ventriloquist Dummies: Annoying or Creepy?
Creepy.
12) What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
This is tough, because I went through different stages. When I was a little tyke, I used to get up at dawn to watch Scooby Doo. In elementary school, I watched Ninja Turtles after school. As a teenager, it was the Simpsons, my favorite show of all time (even though it blows now).
13) Not counting OC, Melrose Place, 90210 or any other prime time melodramas, have you ever watched a daytime soap opera for a significant amount of time? If so, which one?
Not for a significant amount of time, but my mom used to tell me what happened on General Hospital, not sure why because I never asked or showed any interest. Is Sonny still in the mob?
14) Who is the most annoying game show host of all time?
Louie Anderson. If he were the manager of Kennedy's Fried Chicken, he'd be the most annoying Kennedy's Fried Chicken manager of all time. His job is inconsequential.
15) Are there such things as Angels and/or Demons?
Yes, but they aren't naked winged babies or little red guys with pitchforks.
16) Do you like to dance? Is it important that your significant other likes to dance?
I'm too white and too strait to dance normally, but if I'm at a bar that has a dance floor, I might end up grinding. I'd prefer it if my girl is good at that.
17) Do you like Jazz music? Why or Why Not?
I like it because it's soothing, but I don't listen to much of it regularly. And I prefer oldschool, like Davis and Coltrane, not into new age/fusion jazz.
18) Colonel Sanders versus Ronald McDonald -- there can be only one. Who Survives?
Ronald- clowns have scary powers, just like ventriloquist dummies. Creepy man.
19) What's your favorite bad movie? And not in an ironic MST3K way, but in a Michael Bay/Cocktail/Idiotheque way.
This is a loaded question for me, but I'm going to have to go with a number of cheesy slasher flicks- most notably the Friday the 13th Series.
20) What do you wish your nickname was?
Ace. It's the first thing that came to my mind. Anyone nicknamed Ace must have his shit together, at least as far as his friends are concerned.
21)Do you spend most of the day smiling or glowering?
Why my face is at rest, it looks more like a glower. I'm usually in a good mood, but I don't really look it unless I try.
22) You are given time on the world's most popular TV show, but are only allowed to say one phrase. It will be heard and understood the world over. What do you say?
It's not my phrase but "Be excellent to each other" still rings true in my book.
23) If you could be married to any fictional character, who would it be and why?
Melody from Josie and the Pussycats. I can not express how excited I'd be coming home to a dumb blonde in a sexy cat suit every day.
24) Would you rather have superstrength or the gift of flight?
Super strength, definitely. Besides, I have that hovercar coming, right?
25) what's something you recommend, but no one EVER takes you up on?
I want to see someone drink Coke while eating Pop Rocks just to make sure he won't explode.
26) What's something that occurs on a daily basis that pisses you off? And if there were no repercussions and you were allowed to finally react to it, what would you do to this stimulus?
I'd cook a steak and give it to my neighbor's dog Caesar, because he's always pent up in his cage barking and annoying the shit out of me. It'll never happen because if I'm going to cook a steak, I'd rather eat it and listen to him bark instead of giving good meat to an annoying dog.
1) What would you rather know: Magic or How to Invent Anything (and no you can't invent a machine that teaches you magic, and you can't use your magic to invent any machines)?
assuming magic means fictional wizardlike powers, magic. camps nailed it.
2) The fate of everyone you love hangs in the balance as a group of merciless demons challenge you to a contest. In which form do you battle them: Rock Paper Scissors, Thumb Wrestling, Connect Four, or Hungry Hungry Hippos?
rock paper scissors. i'm not confident in my abilities to beat supernatural beings. i think 50/50 is better. also i couldn't be blamed for losing, it'd just be bad luck.
3) What's the worst thing you've ever said and meant?
it's probly something i can't remember. i've wished many a people dead before, including myself, and meant it at the time. so that's pretty bad i guess.
4) Hovercar or X-Ray Specs that work?
hovercar.
5) Who would win in a fight: An Off Balance Eagle with Flamebreath vs. a Laser Armed Near Sighted Shark?
eagle. you'd need to be precise with the "laser," the eagle can just spray fire in the sharks general direction. also the eagles prolly a harder target, smaller, quicker, and such.
6) Do you consider these to be your golden years? Are they still ahead? Have you passed them by?
i think they're behind me, and considering that i was miserable during them makes for a pretty bleak existence. ...i'm a fun drunk.
7) Who runs BarterTown?
why the jews of course.
8) You've won a sweepstakes created by the President of the United States of America. He and Congress will pass whatever bill you write. Without doing anything cheap (like "All My Bills Will Be Passed" etc), what is your bill?
real Civil Rights
9) What's funnier: Random NonLethal Violence OR A Well Timed Fart?
random violence. i tend to look down my nose even at well done fart jokes.
10) Ventriloquist Dummies: Annoying or Creepy?
creepy.... Mr. Marbles?
12) What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
Warner Bros. of course. a lot of those bugs and daffy cartoons are still hilarious 60 years later.
13) Not counting OC, Melrose Place, 90210 or any other prime time melodramas, have you ever watched a daytime soap opera for a significant amount of time? If so, which one?
hells no.
14) Who is the most annoying game show host of all time?
regis. he's going to the special hell.
15) Are there such things as Angels and/or Demons?
no. it's called common sense people.
16) Do you like to dance? Is it important that your significant other likes to dance?
only if in the mood and hammered. and no i don't care if a sig other does or not.
17) Do you like Jazz music? Why or Why Not?
definitely. incredibly complex, it can go just about anywhere, many different kinds, more reasons as well that would take me too long to explain.
18) Colonel Sanders versus Ronald McDonald -- there can be only one. Who Survives?
which ronald mcdonald? the original (willard scott) or the current faggy version? i think willard could take the colonel, otherwise, i'll go with the jolly rascist southerner.
19) What's your favorite bad movie? And not in an ironic MST3K way, but in a Michael Bay/Cocktail/Idiotheque way.
easy- Hudson Hawk. everyone hates it but i contend that it's comedic genius. never has cartoon-style humor ever been as successfully translated into a live action piece.
20) What do you wish your nickname was?
something that would imply i was pretty. so, blondie or something like that. alas i'll never be blonde.
21)Do you spend most of the day smiling or glowering?
you're no match for my glower power.
22) You are given time on the world's most popular TV show, but are only allowed to say one phrase. It will be heard and understood the world over. What do you say?
This show is awful. Wake up America! Please try to be less dumb.
23) If you could be married to any fictional character, who would it be and why?
Shinji Ikari. i've never been so drawn to character before.
24) Would you rather have superstrength or the gift of flight?
flight, i'd use it so much more
25) what's something you recommend, but no one EVER takes you up on?
I talk about the awesomeness that is Blueberry Boat by the Fiery Furnaces to many people, and i've yet to receive an enthusiastic response. this album is spectacular people!
26) What's something that occurs on a daily basis that pisses you off? And if there were no repercussions and you were allowed to finally react to it, what would you do to this stimulus?
waking up in the town i live in, working a cubicle job, etc. quitting and moving away never to return would be fun.
1) What would you rather know: Magic or How to Invent Anything (and no you can't invent a machine that teaches you magic, and you can't use your magic to invent any machines)?
Magic all the way, baybee!
2) The fate of everyone you love hangs in the balance as a group of merciless demons challenge you to a contest. In which form do you battle them: Rock Paper Scissors, Thumb Wrestling, Connect Four, or Hungry Hungry Hippos?
Rock Paper scissors. My thumbs aren't very nimble, unlike the rest of me, and I don't have enough experience playing HHH.
3) What's the worst thing you've ever said and meant?
I don't normally say nasty things. Maybe Deeds over words, when I made my ex cheat on his new gf with me and then almost started laughing when he said he was suicidal.
4) Hovercar or X-Ray Specs that work?
Hovercar. I'm so sick of people on public transit it hurts.
5) Who would win in a fight: An Off Balance Eagle with Flamebreath vs. a Laser Armed Near Sighted Shark?
The shark. random laser sweeps, and the ability to dive under the water from the flames the fucked up eagle is spewing out it's mouth.
6) Do you consider these to be your golden years? Are they still ahead? Have you passed them by?
As far as I know, I haven't hit them yet. 25 has sucked ass so far, I'm hoping 30 will bring it's rewards.
7) Who runs BarterTown?
Master Blaster runs BarterTown. Damn my mom for making me watch Mad Max multiple times when I was a kid.
8) You've won a sweepstakes created by the President of the United States of America. He and Congress will pass whatever bill you write. Without doing anything cheap (like "All My Bills Will Be Passed" etc), what is your bill?
I'm Canadian, does this count?
9) What's funnier: Random NonLethal Violence OR A Well Timed Fart?
Random Non Lethal Violence. Though, my grandfather has mastered the well delivered fart around his grandkids.
10) Ventriloquist Dummies: Annoying or Creepy?
Annoying as hell. The only toys I found creepy growing up were the monkeys with cymbals, and the dolls that opened their eyes when you sat them upright. I used to leave mine outside my bedroom.
12) What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
Bugs Bunny, all the way. I still watch it.
13) Not counting OC, Melrose Place, 90210 or any other prime time melodramas, have you ever watched a daytime soap opera for a significant amount of time? If so, which one?
Gawd no. I don't watch TV.
14) Who is the most annoying game show host of all time?
I'd like to say Bob Barker, but he's probably died at least a year ago, and they have episodes filmed in advance. I thought the showcase showdown a week and a half ago, for a trip to New Orleans and a Speedboat was pretty ironic, though.
15) Are there such things as Angels and/or Demons?
Uhm. I believe people have the capacity to be either of those, but seeing as I don't believe in heaven or hell, excepting what we create for ourselves in our lifetimes, then I guess my answer is no.
16) Do you like to dance? Is it important that your significant other likes to dance?
I dance. for no reason whatsoever, with no music. with music. I bump and grind, I slowdance, I can ballroom, waltz and salsa. It's not necessary for my partner to dance, but it'd be nice.
17) Do you like Jazz music? Why or Why Not?
Yes I do. Ella Fitzgerald is one of my Vocal icons, as well as Sarah Vaughan. I love it because it captures emotion. I love it for the same reasons I like the blues.
18) Colonel Sanders versus Ronald McDonald -- there can be only one. Who Survives?
Ronald has cronies. Colonel Sanders is like Dave from Wendy's, but sneaky. You know that Sanders would pretend to have a heart attack and then stab ronald through the gut with the blade hidden in his cane.
I think it's an even match.
19) What's your favorite bad movie? And not in an ironic MST3K way, but in a Michael Bay/Cocktail/Idiotheque way.
Love Potion #9. Early Sandra Bollock and Tate Donovan, who I had the hugest crush on for years. (and still do, please. No teasing.)It's the ultimate geeks can find love too movie, which is probably why I like it.
20) What do you wish your nickname was?
"Love". By far my favourite, and whenever I'm called it, I get a tingle.
21)Do you spend most of the day smiling or glowering?
Depends on the day, usually smiling because I get asked "What's wrong?" if I'm not. which is annoying as fuck.
22) You are given time on the world's most popular TV show, but are only allowed to say one phrase. It will be heard and understood the world over. What do you say?
"I am the very model of a modern major general..."
23) If you could be married to any fictional character, who would it be and why?
Wolverine. I bet he'd be an ANIMAL in the sack. (but only the Hugh Jackman wolverine.)
24) Would you rather have superstrength or the gift of flight?
Flight. There's too many people and too many places that I'd like to go see/do.
25) what's something you recommend, but no one EVER takes you up on?
Most people listen to me. Weird, eh?
26) What's something that occurs on a daily basis that pisses you off? And if there were no repercussions and you were allowed to finally react to it, what would you do to this stimulus?
Every day, on the LRT, I get some stupid fuck that sits down RIGHT next to me even though it's apparent that I'm going to get off at the next stop, because I've closed my book, and rearranged the straps on my bag, and am looking around to see how difficult it will be to get out of the packed train. Whoever the hell this person is, (It's been multiple people, I can't pick just one!) looks at me affronted when I ask them to move.
I'd love to punch them in the face.
1) What would you rather know: Magic or How to Invent Anything (and no you can't invent a machine that teaches you magic, and you can't use your magic to invent any machines)?
Magic. Magic. Magic. Inventing sounds like work, with all the tinkering and whatnot. And where is the joy in inventing something if you could invent anything? With magic you can curse people, put spells on them so they think you are great, etc. What could be better?
2) The fate of everyone you love hangs in the balance as a group of merciless demons challenge you to a contest. In which form do you battle them: Rock Paper Scissors, Thumb Wrestling, Connect Four, or Hungry Hungry Hippos?
Rock.Paper.Scissors. Despite my man hands, I’m weak and terrible at thumb wrestling. And aside from that, I would rather leave the fate of my loves up to chance than my actual skill at a game, that way, if I loose and they all die, I don’t have to feel so guilty. Is that horrible? I’m not sure.
3) What's the worst thing you've ever said and meant?
I am not actually sure. About 80% of what comes out of my mouth is utter bullshit. I’ve said a lot of horrible things which I have chalked up to the “just kidding” category. But everyone knows that 99% of what you say in jest is actually true.
4) Hovercar or X-Ray Specs that work?
Hovercar, then sell it to the military for the cash. I need neither of these items.
5) Who would win in a fight: An Off Balance Eagle with Flamebreath vs. a Laser Armed Near Sighted Shark?
Shark. Water would block the flame, leaving the eagle with nothing but his puny talons.
6) Do you consider these to be your golden years? Are they still ahead? Have you passed them by?
I would consider these years to be pretty great. I’m making it, there is no other place I would want to be living (realistically), no real responsibilities aside from showing up to work and feeding my cat.
Maybe when I first get married and have some kids it will be great also, until my kids grow up enough to hate me, my husband and I grow to hate each other. Then maybe divorce and a renaissance, a tryst with a younger, foreign man while living off alimony. Isn’t retirement supposed to be one’s golden years? Living in a retirement community, playing games and gossiping, bragging about my children who are now doctors, that sounds pretty great too.
7) Who runs BarterTown?
I got nothing.
8) You've won a sweepstakes created by the President of the United States of America. He and Congress will pass whatever bill you write. Without doing anything cheap (like "All My Bills Will Be Passed" etc), what is your bill?
Free health care and education for all.
9) What's funnier: Random NonLethal Violence OR A Well Timed Fart?
RNV.
10) Ventriloquist Dummies: Annoying or Creepy?
Creepy. For one summer I worked as a hostess at “Starbuck’s Bar and Grill! We Aint no Coffee Bar!” Yes, that was our slogan. This place finally gave in and changed its name to Star City Grille and also underwent a full renovation, but prior to this revamping, it was decorated in that campy, eclectic, hodge-podge mix of JUNK all over the place. And the owner was obsessed with dummies and would bring in new ones all the time, which she had searched high and low for and then paid top dollar.
This was one of the worst places to work I have experienced, and I have worked at many.
12) What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
So many! Smurfs, that underwater one that was like smurfs, TMNT, XMen, thundercats! Animaniacs, mighty mouse, JEM, my little pony
13) Not counting OC, Melrose Place, 90210 or any other prime time melodramas, have you ever watched a daytime soap opera for a significant amount of time? If so, which one?
I watched Passions throughout college, whenever my schedule permitted (class or work during summers). This show is crazy! People are possessed by demons, that midget guy and the witch! The devil shows up occasionally. Recently I heard that good ole Abe Lincoln made an appearance. Such a good show.
14) Who is the most annoying game show host of all time?
I like Louis Anderson! It might be because I really like family feud and not really any other game shows; and I don’t really have any aversions to their hosts. I can not, however, stand Emeril.
15) Are there such things as Angels and/or Demons?
I see no scientific evidence proving otherwise.
16) Do you like to dance? Is it important that your significant other likes to dance?
I like to dance, yes…but really only when drunk. Usually this falls into the equation though. As for my man, its not ridiculously important. I have enough gal and queer pals to boogie with. I think a guy who is really into dancing would be worse than one who wont dance at all.
17) Do you like Jazz music? Why or Why Not?
I like soft jazz in the background type of jazz, ala “Jazz Brunch.” I will admit that this is a genre that I know very little about. But I relate to Carrie when she dates the Jazz musician who turns out to have ADD, that jazz sometimes does sound like people with instruments who have ADD.
18) Colonel Sanders versus Ronald McDonald -- there can be only one. Who Survives?
Col. Sanders would kick that sally’s ass.
19) What's your favorite bad movie? And not in an ironic MST3K way, but in a Michael Bay/ Cocktail/Idiotheque way.
Mannequin. By far.
20) What do you wish your nickname was?
Foxy
21)Do you spend most of the day smiling or glowering?
Neutral or smiling. Some glowering mixed in.
22) You are given time on the world's most popular TV show, but are only allowed to say one phrase. It will be heard and understood the world over. What do you say?
23) If you could be married to any fictional character, who would it be and why?
Sandy Cohen from the OC. He’s hot, he’s got character, he’s a great father, and those eyebrows!
24) Would you rather have superstrength or the gift of flight?
If you had superstrength would you still burn calories doing things? If so, this is what I choose.
25) what's something you recommend, but no one EVER takes you up on?
I suggest a lot of activities that people either automatically shoot down or get excited about then never follow through on. I wish I wasn’t so codependent and my friends so lazy.
26) What's something that occurs on a daily basis that pisses you off? And if there were no repercussions and you were allowed to finally react to it, what would you do to this stimulus?
Gross men shouting lewd comments at me. Primarily when I am walking on my own street, frequented by trucks and other commercial vehicles. Or, how about the time on the subway when the guy masturbated while staring at me?
Another thing that really pisses me off is that everyone feels as though they should tell me how tall I am! One highlight of this would be when a young thug sat next to me on the L train and remarked: “you HUGE!”
Thanks, you have way with the ladies.
Deal with it people, I’m here, I’m smokin hot, and yes, I huge.
Now keep your comments to yourself.
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