Take THAT, Guernica!
No, this isn't my review of Revenge of the Sith. Don't worry, Invisible Audience, the review has been written and is merely waiting for deployment. I'm just waiting on a few of my straggling nerdflock to finally go out and see the damn movie.
In the meantime here's some musings that've been Ruminating in my head for a while. Enjoy, hobags!
- Are there any doctors (that work with adults) that use the term "tummy"? For example: "Mr. Jones, there's been some Gastric Acid leakage. What this means is that we're going to have operate on your tummy."
- Do you think the midget who played Alf ever had sex while wearing the costume? Or do you think anyone humped the lifeless puppet?
- Is Naughty Hypnotist the worst career that a prospective Son-In-Law can have, at least in the Father-in-law's eyes? "So, Pumpkin, how'd you two meet?" "I don't really remember..."
- As children, do you think that everyone blamed everything on Jesus, just because they knew he would take the blame? "Zacchariah says that you broke the window. Is that true, Jesus?" "Yea, though I did not break this window, I shall take the punishment for the breaking of all of the windows in my Father's world."
- Do monkeys think other Monkeys Smoking is as funny as we humans find it? Cuz man, that shit is HIGH-larious.
- Are there any wacky Undertakers in the world? The Patch Adams of the Funeral Home scene, if you will?
- Will I ever find men getting hit in the groin not funny? Is there anyway I can grow out of this?
- At what point does a puppeteer admit that he plays with dolls for a living?
- Does anyone try to rock the Hitler mustache these days? (Interesting fact - in my freshman year at College, one of the PoliSci teachers definitely had the Hitler 'stache. Dude, what the fuck?)
- What scares ghosts? Besides that two key playing on the piano that Venkman does in Ghostbusters.
- How come things like the Great Molasses Flood of 1919 never happen today? I don't mean specifically molasses related disasters, but crazy ass weird shit on a large scale. You never hear of it raining Splenda in Cleveland or a tidal wave of Pez breaking out in Provo.
- Do superheroes dry clean their costumes? Won't special fabrics that can withstand intense heat and alternative laws of physics require more TLC than the Rinse Cycle can provide?
- What if COBRA was really the good guys and GI Joe was just the military for an oppressive regime? Think about it, man...
- Are Evil Henchman Unionized? I'm sure they have a phenomenal benefits package.
- In the future, will REO Speedwagon be played on Classical Music stations? And will that officially mark the beginning of the apocalypse? Or would that be when Mr. Mister gets some classical airtime? "Take...these broken wings..."
- Has anyone ever tried the "Beads for Boobies" exchange outside of a drunken party setting? Just a dude walking down the street in the middle of the day in some quaint suburban town, offering Soccer Moms cheap plastic necklaces for a quick peak at their funbags?
- When will the Viking Horned Helmet make a fashion comeback? Isn't it due? How about the cravat?
- Have any Heads of State ever given friendship bracelets as tokens of alliances or truces? "But Premier, the Americans did send this lovely bracelet." "Look at the weaving on this thing. This must've taken at least one night of babysitting. And he used purple -- I love purple! CALL OFF THE ATTACK!" "Yes, sir." "And get my new BFF on the phone forthwith!"
- Will we ever look back on the sexuality of today's youngsters and think it's quaint?
- Am I officially old for asking that question?
- Do robots hate Emoticons as much as the rest of us?
- Did Brandon ever do "funny" stuff to Vicky, the robot on Small Wonder?
- Was the first person to ever get inside of a submarine and go underwater in it the craziest muthafuckah ever, or does that honor belong to the first person to ever try and eat a lobster?
- How come "Playing with a Giant Parachute" like we did in Gym isn't an Olympic Sport today? Man, I would kick way too much ass if it were.
IF anyone has any answers or thoughts on the above questions - please feel free to enlighten me.
posted by The Neurotic Monkey @ 11:41 PM
7 Comments:
This is my fav post ever.
Was Alf really a midget in a costume?
I bet monkeys think other monkeys smoking is "cool" and "sexy".
The term "Great Molasses Flood of 1919" makes it seem like there were other Great Molasses Floods in other years.
The dry cleaner is so yesterday Dean, "cloth washing stations" of today are super powerful and cute, my parents new one came in 5 different colors and is as tall as me, but with a bunch more buttons.
Sure a friendship bracelet could sooth things over, but it could also stir things up. Could you imagine is someone refused a friendship bracelet, think of the scandal!!
The first person to go in a submarine prolly thought he was a beaver.
There were a lot of fun things we did in Gym that never turned into Olympic sports, like giving Mr. Andrews head.
As far as the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, I think things like that still happen, but we're all too jaded and forgetful to assign them the notoreity they deserve. For example, on the way to my first Mets game (circa 1995), traffic was stopped on the Saw Mill Parkway because a 13' high Budweiser truck tried drive under a 12' overpass. Truck was shredded, beer was pooling 3" deep on the roadway. Fantastic...if I'd only thought to bring my gutter straw...and we only missed the first inning. But they lost. Stupid Mets.
Has anyone ever tried the "Beads for Boobies" exchange outside of a drunken party setting? Just a dude walking down the street in the middle of the day in some quaint suburban town, offering Soccer Moms cheap plastic necklaces for a quick peak at their funbags?
Oh, gee, I wonder where you got that idea.
And no, it doesn't work. Somebody already tried it on me recently...
Dean, at this point, it's safe to say that every fanboy has seen Sith at least twice. You don't have to be afraid of spoiling it anymore.
The F4 trailer does look good, and I was never really a fan of theirs. Dr. Doom was a cool villain though, and I was happy to see he'll be wearing his signature armor. Making Jessica Alba "the invisible girl" is just a mean trick though.
update this already!
is this dead?
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