My Mix Tape's A Masterpiece

Here's a ragtag assembly of stuff. Enjoy, muthafuckas!

--Congratulations to that lucky 8th grader that wrote the Black Eyed Peas latest song, "Don't Phunk With My Heart"! I mean, that's the only possible rationale for such lyrics as these:

Baby Girl You Make me Feel
You know you make me feel so real
I love you more than sex appeal.

So huzzah and kudos to that lucky 14 year old! You should be very, very proud of yourself! As for the rest of the Black Eyed Peas -- shame; pure unadulterated shame. Where's the lyrical ingenuiety of wanting to become retarded, or finding the location of "the love", or even calling out "hey mama"? Also, every time I look at Fergie's pointy pigtails, I'm fairly certain that they're going to come alive like writhing snakes and bite Will.I.Am. in the face. Which would actually be a pretty great video. (Mental Note: Look into turning hair into asps)

-- Check out my friend's blog at Be A Debaser. If you thought I was a music snob, ho ho -- Brotha, you ain't seen nothin' yet! If anything, Ms. Rayon forces the issue and is a polarizing figure -- a cyberspatial gadfly, if you will. Plus it's funny as all get out -- gotta love that nerd conversation. So ch-ch-check it out!

-- I know I'm Monkey-Come-Lately over here, but I've been listening to Green Day's American Idiot more and more and really digging it. I listened to it when it first came out and thought it was good, but never really got into it. Now, I find myself just really listening a lot to "Jesus of Suburbia" and "Homecoming". Although that first single, the title track, has got to go. Holy shiite is that song annoying. However, I find it so weird that MTV, the radio, et al, bleep out the word "faggot" when it's used in the songs "American Idiot" and "Holiday". I know it's an across-the-board standard that they can't allow the word, but it is being used in a sardonic and very intelligent way. Doesn't that count for anything? No? For shame -- I would've thought that the station that brought me such ethical treatises as "Room Raiders" and "Singled Out" would have more of an intellectual backbone. More to the point, Green Day have crafted an excellent work that I find mirrors a lot of what my friends are currently going through. Also, outside of NIN's The Fragile (my favorite album ever), these songs are the best representation I can find of a sense of idealism being smothered by apathy; an epidemic which I've found is so prevalent in my own lil world.

-- So Family Guy came back, and American Dad! began its journey to cancellation (I hope). Personally, I thought that neither show was that great, but Family Guy at least gave me multiple occassions to laugh. American Dad!, on the other hand, was absolutely horrible. Sure, I laughed when Roger the Alien said "Can I keep this mousepad?...I'm keeping this mousepad." But the Trump jokes? The Guantanamo Prison jokes? Bum Fight jokes? Eat my dick. The problem with doing a politcally minded (which is what MacFarlane keeps saying American Dad! is, although I don't really see much politics involved) cartoon show is that any political jokes become dated by the time the episode is actually finished (unless Flash/Similar Computer Programs are used - a la South Park). Same with pop culture jokes. That's why Family Guy has always done well when it references something from 5-25 years ago, because the joke is already outdated that it becomes absurd, plus it preys on our nostalgia. All I know is that come May 19, Arrested Development better come back or...I guess, I'll just die a little inside and shed a few tears. It's not the best threat, but do you really want to disappoint this little boy, Fox? Do you?

-- Project: Greenlight continues to show how Krista Allen is something of a flighty bitch/drunk flighty bitch. Nothing like seeing a B-Level actress act like a B-Level person. Who would've thunk it -- a former soft core porn actress copping such a 'tude? Oh well, I just hope that John Gulager has a career afterwards and that the film does well. I mean, Battle of Shaker Heights and Stolen Summer are horrible horrible movies. *Shudders* Let's hope that Feast does not suffer this fate. Plus, Clu Gulager is in it! Muthafuckah was in Return of the Living Dead. Respek knuckles!

--On a related note: How do I keep getting suckered into watching Reality TV? Didn't I use to be smart? This lack of will power is akin to when I was addicted to masturbation; although this time I probably won't come out of it with carpal tunnel and controlling shares in some Lube Companies. (Just kidding?) I watch RW/RR Challenge, that's the only Reality Show that I make sure to watch every week. But I check out Project: Greenlight, Project: Runway (when it was on), The Apprentice, Making the Band 3, The Surreal Life. What has become of me? "Behold the wretch, whose sordid heart, /Steep'd in Content's oblivious balm,/Secure in Luxury's bewitching calm,/Repels pale Mis'ry's touch, and mocks Affliction's smart" -- Mary Darby Robinson.

--Wanna laugh? No? Really? Oh, okay. I just thought -- all right, all right, I'll forget it. Well for all of you that do enjoy the occasional giggle (or even a titter or two) check out Michael Ian Black's "Short Imagined Monlogue" of Billy Joel in McSweeney's here.

--I'm gonna keep stoking the nerd fires for a while for Star Wars Episode III -- someone needs to get the word out for this small independent film! Let's support real artists, people! Seriously though, this video once again promises a good film. Is this just another skankalicious cocktease like every other trailer for the new trilogy? Probably. Le sigh.

--Has anyone watched "Con" on Comedy Central? Not only is the show not funny, but at the end it has a disclaimer which states that everyone that was somehow conned out of money in the show ends up getting paid. How lame is that? If they really wanted to con people, they could just have them sign waivers (saying that they allow the fake TV/Film project to use their likeness on TV, etc) and then hide a clause in there preventing "Con" from being sued. Then again, I'm no big city lawyer (stretches out bright red suspenders).

--Want to read a great account of why nerds are the way that we are? Or just want to read some great personal essays by one of the best living authors? Jonathan Lethem's "The Beards" is just one of the great works from his newest book The Disappointment Artist. It's hilarious and does provide real insight into the nerd mentality. Dig it, Brotha!

--Listening to: The Decemberists, "Picaresque"; Manitoba, "Up in Flames", Antony & The Johnsons, "Fistful of Love" from the album "I Am A Bird Now"; Rilo Kiley, "Take Offs & Landings" (you were right again, E); NIN, "With Teeth";Louis XIV, "The Best Little Secrets Are Kept"; Pinback, "Summer in Abaddon"; Clem Snide, "End of Love"; Viktor Vaughn, "Vaudeville Villain".

--Reading: The Onion (por supuesto), William Brandt's The Book of the Story of the Film of My Life, Transmetropolitan graphic novels by Warren Ellis, et al.

--Watching: Lost (new episode tonight! glayven!), Wonder Showzen (watch it people -- it'll make you invincible), Inferno 2, Samurai Champloo, Miike films, Piranha, old episodes of the great and much missed Soap and Home Movies.

Kick a midget!

"Guaranteed Fear and Loathing. Abandon all hope. Prepare for Weirdness. Get familiar with Cannibalism." -- Hunter S. Thompson

ps. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise? fuckin gross. and lame. just stop it, both of you. Katie, I expected better of you. No, I'm not mad at you. I'm just disappointed.