The End of Days (Brought to You by the T-Mobile Sidekick)

It's no secret that I love me some Real World/Road Rules Challenge. I can't quite explain why. Maybe it's the intellectual in me that sees some sort of sociological and psychological effects that media and media awareness is having on my generation. Or maybe it's the lame athletic spectator in me who likes to be entertained by athletic expositions but can't remember stats to save his life, and also is kind of a drama queen at heart. Maybe it's my misanthropic anarchist side who watches this show as further evidence that society is unraveling, that people are becoming caricatures and soulless, and this show exemplifies all of those hideous qualities. However, it's more likely that I simply enjoy watching neurotic and psychotic people get drunk, compete against each other, and hold screaming matches as if they are battling over who gets to use the see-saw next. Also, some of the girls are pretty dang hot (Hellooooo, Jamie).

I'm a snob about most things in life; I try not to be, but it's just how I am. It's one of my dark and more hideous sides to my personality. For example, I abhor The Da Vinci Code and anything written by John Grisham post The Client; I think According to Jim, Still Standing, Yes Dear and a bevy (a whole bevy!) of sitcoms -- i.e. all of UPN's primetime line up -- are the work of a retarded and cruel God; if you play 50 Cent, Dixie Chicks, or Avril Lavigne near me, there's a high possibility I will punch you. That being said, I do have my guilty pleasures (some of which were revealed in this post). And amongst those sad indulgences, I believe that the guiltiest of pleasures is the Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

For those not in the know, the current Real World/Road Rules Challenge is entitled Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Inferno II; and the teams are split up into the Good Guys versus the Bad Asses. Yes, it's silly and pretty ridiculous. And I didn't think anything of it -- it's just another hook to get the viewers intrigued, and also to group people together in a new and (Seemingly But Not really) clever way. So, I thought it was all just innocent standard TV fluff.

Until tonight.

Tonight's Inferno (which is where two members of the opposing teams face each other in a challenge, with the loser being eliminated and evicted from the proceedings) pitted Veronica (uberbitch skank) against Jodi (who, amongst other crimes including spelling her name with just an "i" at the end, is a kind of a spastic crybaby). Veronica won, Jodi lost, then Jodi wept like a little baby; business as usual.

But then, after Veronica has vanquished the weak and weepy Jodi, the producers put in this little interview soundbite from Veronica, which to paraphrase (my RW/RR stenographer has the week off) went something like this:

"This just goes to show all the Good Guys out there: You think you'll win in the end, but you won't." (Editor's Note: Just rewatched the episode and Veronica actually says "This is for all you Good Guys out there, y'all think you're gonna finish first this time: it's ain't gonna happen, it ain't gonna happen.")

Sure, this may seem like an innocuous quote from a ditzy slut who could go a few rounds of the man juice taste test (I.E., she's swallowed a lot of semen). But then I thought about what her quote essentially was saying which is that "Evil Will Prevail". And that's when my mind went a reeling and a rolling. Bear with me here, but what if JUST WHAT IF this was Armageddon?

People are obsessed with the end of the world; all religions have a theory about how the world will end -- Ragnarok, Judgment Day, Skynet annihilates humanity, etc. Meanwhile, in the modern world, apocalyptic storylines are selling really well; just check out how much bank the Left Behind dudes are making, or how NBC is now airing a miniseries about the final dance betwixt J.C. and the Prince of Darkness (not Ozzy) named Revelations. But while all the religious hysteria is swarming about and people are looking for Virgins in underpasses and the Devil in the Courtroom, what if our eternal fates were being decided on one of the shittiest and cattiest reality TV shows ever?

MTV has set up a theoretical (and theological) battle between two forces -- one deemed "Good" (which, judging by the roster, is a relative term) and the other "Bad" (also relative -- I mean, Dan is bitchy, but is he bad?). What happens if Bad emerges victorious? What does this spell for our nation and for our immortal souls? I'll tell you what -- hellfire, damnation, and an eternity of looking at Rachel, the scary shiny lesbian.

This is why I've placed the Good Guys to win; sure, they're not the smartest, or coolest, or...really any sort of superlative which would help them win. But they may very well be humanity's last chance for salvation. Also, they were the only team with two devout (once again, relative term) Christians in their squadron.

So in the Miz's name I shall pray...and please, Jamie, deliver us from CT, for thine is the kingdom, the Life Saver, and the glory forever.

Or at least until the reunion special.