It's a Smorgasbord of Fantastic!

Hey, y'all! Firstly, thanks to everyone who's been commenting. Keep it up! And please don't be afraid to talk to/about each other - like Erin did by referencing Drew's terrific nod to the infamous Chicken Dances of the Californian Bluths.

And now, for this post, here's some potpourri:

• Flava Flav! Causes Cognitive Dissonance - All right, I'll admit it. Flav - ya got me. I didn't want you to, I resisted and guffawed and sarcastically distanced myself from you and your new show, The Flavor of Love. But I had to break down and enjoy your romantic hijinks as you have women battle it out for your attention, affection, and maybe they're very own clock and catchphrase. Why is this show enjoyable? Here's the recipe for success: Take a bunch of the craziest, skankiest, drunkiest, cattiest bitches in America, and throw them into a bedroom. Next, add the scent of competition over attention and television screen time. Add a healthy serving of a crack addicted, retarded gangbanger with a hyperactive case of ADD and a penchant for rhyming couplets. Stir in with stupid challenges, inlfated egos, pithy editing. And season with buckets of chicken & magnums of Champagne. Bon Appetit! But a paradox exists within The Flavor of Love (as voiced by my roommate, Panthro), and it arises if you end up liking one of the girls - in our case, the one nicknamed Hoopz. She's cute, seems nice, funny, and fairly real (although she did threaten to beat up the resident psycho, New York, but constantly saying "dawg" and "bro", but i love her BECAUSE of these idiosyncrasies, not despite them). So I like Hoopz, she's OK in my book. But here's the problem: I don't really want her to win the show and end up with Flava Flav. I like her too much to be with that little meth'd up munchkin and his barrage of catchphrases. But on the other hand, I don't like seeing her passed over or losing to the other cumdumpsters in the house. Such a dilemma. So go on, Hoopz, with ya bad self...but don't win. Maybe disqualification? Like she wins but then immediately recuses herself from being Mrs. Flav? That would be sweet.
• Now If Someone Could Synch up "Round Here" with Scenes from Tatooine - I've told y'all before about the HIGH-larious antics of The Whitest Kids You Know. To see their schedule, as long as some products of theirs, and some clips of their skits & videos, go here. But even more impressive is this absolutely brilliant lil video of theirs which takes everyone's favorite prepubescent asian sidekick and gives him a theme song. Holy Smoke Crash Landing, indeed.
• I don't Remember This in Fodor's Guide to Eastern Europe - You know, I enjoyed Hostel. I was one of the people that went on the opening weekend, and helped it earn close to 4 times as much as its budget in those three days. It's not Citizen Kane. But it's also not Raising Cain (I guarrantee that, while it's not the most obscure reference, maybe 2 people know what the hell I am talking about). It's a fun movie. It's the only time i've ever seen long lines for a film that stretch that far out. Maybe once for a Star Wars film. But this was ever type of people: wannabe thug angels, hipsters, scenesters, post-hipsters, latino heatsters, hoochie mamas, teenie boppers, and the socially depraved (i live in the East Village, what do you expect?). And once the lights went down, people were into it. The jokes were funny, and it did a great job relaxing everyone and getting to know these characters before they are slowly & viscerally ripped apart. It's not amazing cinema, or groundbreaking in terms of gore or taboo subject matter. But it's a very entertaining ride filled with boobs, blood, buddies, more blood, and even more boobs. If you've seen any Japanese horror, particularly Miike's work, than this is all old hat. But it's still fun to see people squirm, scream, jump, and simply shake their heads asking for mercy from the images being bombarded at them. Oh, and speaking of Miike - he makes a cameo in the film. He's the asian dude that says "It's Dangerous in there. You could spend all of your money if you're not careful." Pretty great for a complete psychopath. So I'd give Hostel a 8/10. But you don't have to take MY word for it, right, Levar Burton?
• Looking at Those Khakis Makes Me Feel the Exact Same Way- Here's a great lil commercial/film Spike Jonze made for The Gap. Not only is it a hilarious free for all, but it's also a very nice subversive piece of anticorporate film masquerading as advertising. Pretty brilliant if you think about. And to think this guy started off making videos of skaters faceplanting.
• When Have Pretentious Hipster Critics EVER Been Guilty of Hyperbole? - I've heard a bunch of cuts off of the new Strokes album. First of all, they may have chosen one of the worst songs of all time to be their single. It's definitely the worst song on the album. "Juicebox" sounds like something Foo Fighters or Queens of the Stone Age would think about recording, and then realize that they have standards, too (For the record - I've liked QOTSA for a long time now, so don't be hatin'). And while I liked The Strokes first album, Is This It?, I found it entertaining. I didn't think it was the Rock Revolution that people have been waiting for since Lennon was shot. It's nothing new, and wouldn't suddenly redefine Rock As We Know It. BUT, it's damn fine party, drinkin in the dorm room music. You can sing along with it, jump and dance and act like a goofball and have a great lil soundtrack to accompany all of your Shenanigans. Can't say the same for Room on Fire. While it is fine for filler or background music, it's nothin new from a band that was ALREADY doin nothin new. And while the newest album, First Impressions of Planet Earth, is a step away from there same old sound, it's one step forward and one step to the side. Unfortunately, the side is not so good. The first song is pretty good, but not as great as I've heard from others, and ultimately the entire album seems like they decided on a new identity but really want to maintain their old uniforms. Overall, I would recommend people just skipping this, maybe listening to it and trying to find what singles you like and just download those. Also - these New York prep boys need to stop acting like their slumming it, especially after goin on repeated world tours. And the drummer should stop schtuppin Drew Barrymore. She's not for you, you damned dirty scenester! Her bra-less courage is mine to own! Mine and mine alone!
• The Amazing Regressing Manchild - So the last couple of great books that I've recently read were comic books. Yup, you read that correctly: Comic books. Helloooo, ladies. Too sexy for ya? Let me turn down this heat. In all seriousness, Robert Kirkman's Invincible is AMAZING. At one glance, it's a simple cookie cutter tale that blends The Incredibles with Spiderman. The ongoing series tells the tale of the titular superhero, a Young Teenage Boy, son of a powerful Supermanesque hero, slowly discovers his powers and embarks into a life of crimefighting and supersleuthing just like his father. But then things take an interesting turn and Invincible must make a choice. The series is funny and smartly written, matching much of the same pace, tone, and brilliance of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But it's also so earnest. It's just a pure take on the teenage hero who must make hard choices and is yet to be jaded, even when the cynical world of reality rears its ugly head. The other book I've read that was very exciting and amazingly brilliant was Grant Morrison's We3. This miniseries is incredibly simple in premise and execution, and yet it's still incredibly exciting and pretty surprising. It's funny, and sweet, and violent, and brutal. It's like Homeward Bound meets Robocop as three animals (who have been augmented into cybernetic killing machines by the army) break loose and try to escape from their creators, who now want to destroy them in favor of a new arms program. Watching the RoboDog, CyberCat, and Bionic Bunny interact is filled with the comedy & cuteness of a Disney cartoon, while there's the bloodshed and hyperkinetic action of a Samurai anime. It's a quick read, weird, and thoroughly entertaining. So go check it out.
• It NEVER Gets Old!!!!! - So my Pats lost. It's okay. You can't be great all the time. I just wished they didn't look so shabby when losing to the Dolphins. Although watching Brady hit the ref in the face with the football was a very nice reference to Varsity Blues. See? Brady's a regular guy. And after some nasty, and embarraskin, playoff games, it's gonna be Seahawks vs. Steelers in the Showdown in Motown (I just came up with that!). My Schadenfreude itch was scratched by watching both the Mannings eat shit. Sure, I wanted the Colts to win for Dungy, but on the other hand - fuck Peyton. He seems like a stick in the mud, and probably thinks Blue Collar Tour is funny. And as for Eli - he's one of the two quarterbacks I hate the most in the NFL (the other is the criminally overrated and consummate choke artist Chris Sims). I was glad the Giants were shown to be the pathetic hacks that they are. Although none of it compared to my favorite moment of the season, when homophobe mongoloid Jeremy Shockey got to revel in how pathetic and retarded he truly is. Shocking, wasn't it? Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Anyways, I hear you asking - who do I got in the Showdown in Motown (catchy, ennit?)? My heart says Seahawks, but my brain says Steelers. And while I have no money on the matter, I'm goin with the Seahawks. If I were a bettin' man, I'd go with the Iron Maidens. Then again, I don't really do sports.
• Have They LOST it? Hi-Yo! - Apparently on last week's episode of Lost, during Jack's flashback, a date was printed on the old italian man's X-Rays. It said November 16, 2005. Now in this flashback, Jack's dad is still alive. And we know that until his death his infamous line about fate is "That's why the Red Sox will never win the world series". And since it's clear that he wasn't being ironic, he must have said this before the Red Sox actually won the world series a full year before in October 2004. So WTF, Lost? Have you slipped up or this deliberate and just not make any sense? Help me, Internet; you're my only hope. Omigod, in a way - that was two lil bits on sports. Holy Schnikies! Call Guinness!
• THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY EYE!!!! - What I'm Watching on TV: Lost, Flavor of Love, Project Runway, the demise of Arrested Development, Scrubs, Battlestar Galactica, The Boondocks (The MLK episode was AMAZING), My Name is Earl, Jeopardy, The Office, Distraction, TV SPOTLIGHT - Perfect Hair Forever. From the creators of Aqua Teen Hungerforce comes this brilliant send up of all things anime while also being absolutely hilarious. Of particular note is Hot Dog, the singing hot dog (LAlalalalalaaaa...). Brilliant, weird, but so much fun. Also, watch for rapper MF Doom as the Giraffe.
• GET THAT OUT OF MY EAR - What I'm Listening to: This American Life; Shugo Tokumari, Night Pieces; Loudon Wainwright III, "The Swimming Song"; Iron & Wine + Calexico, In the Reins; nearLY, "Liars Day"; Chameleons, "Up the Down Escalator"; Wolf Parade, Apologies to the Queen Mary; Seu Jorge, The Life Aquatic Studio Sessions; Explosions in the Sky, How Strange, Innocence; Nine Inch Nails, Still; Iron & Wine, Creek Drank the Cradle; Otis Redding, Otis Blue; Chris Parnell & Andy Samberg, "Lazy Sunday". Leaked songs from The Flaming Lips' At War with the Mystics.
• Quote of the week: "I can Swim in Existence, but for this mystical soaring I am too heavy." - Kierkegaard