The Neurotic Monkey's Guide to Survival

"These STILL aren't my pants!"

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Frisky Dingo Thursdays!

Hey y'all!

So every Thursday I'm going to put up a new episode of Frisky Dingo thanks to the ingenious and thieving anonymous masses at YouTube.

I would encourage everyone to watch this show on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. It airs Sunday night, at 12:30 AM (EST). It's only about 15 minutes long, and it's some of the funniest television out there.

(QUICK NOTE: This episode is also available as a free iTunes download. Go here to start downloading this to your computer and/or iPod!)

So I hope you enjoy the first episode, and please be sure to leave comments letting me know what you think:

Part 1




Part 2


Thanks To This, I Think I'll Track God Down, Too.

So here comes a mixed bag.



On the one hand, the one project I've been screaming over and over again for the past 3 years is finally coming to fruition -- Preacher will be an hourlong show on HBO. This comic series is perfect for this format and for HBO. It's dark and compelling, as there's the through storyline of Jesse Custer tracking down God and finding out how he can be such a horrible sonovabitch. There's also tons of action, blood, and death to keep fans of Deadwood, Rome, and The Sopranos sated. Add into that quirky, quotable, funny, and brilliant characters (like Cassidy, an Irish vampire, and the Saint of Killers) and you have the makings of a huge hit. Preacher is still my favorite comic book series, and everyone should do themselves a favor and go pick up the 9 TPBs that are currently in print and at your local comic shops, book stores, and online retailers. I think Garth Ennis perfectly captures all of America in this work, commenting on our past, present, and future while dealing with sex, drugs, rock n roll, religion, war, capitalism, and Love.

So that's great news, right? Hell, it makes me envious and frustrated that this whole thing is goin ahead and i have nothing to do with it. But then the next bit of news hits:

It's being brought to the screen by Mark Steven Johnson. Mr. Johnson (or Mr. Steven Johnson? whatever) is responsible for the abominable movie adaptations of Daredevil and Ghost Rider. Faak! While I respect Mr. Johnson's apparent love for comics, and he is very well versed in everything he brings to the screen - his abilities as an artist are nonexistent. Not only did he use crap F/X in Daredevil (and appears to be doing that again in the even cheaper looking Ghost Rider), but he also managed to make such a bungled clusterfuck of that entire movie. Now, I don't care if they made the Kingpin black, or that Daredevil killed a dude. Whatever, that's small potatoes - I'm not a purist. But his direction was terrible - with Colin Farrell's Bullseye being an over the top homicidal leprechaun, Affleck being fairly stilted (even for Affleck), and Jennifer Garner not having much to do outside of simply tell the world that she's upset.

I'm sure there are people out there who simply look at the actors' names listed above and believe that it can't be MSJ's (cuz i'm hip with the industry lingo) fault--these aren't the greatest thespians to grace the silver screen. However, MSJ did write the script, a horribly distracting piece of rubbish that subsituted Young Matt Murdock's youthful act of selflessness that left him blind but with enhanced senses with a skateboarding accident. WTF? I feel like this whole thing is gonna end up with me screaming at the TV a lot and eventually tracking down MSJ like the Saint of Killer stalks Jesse, and eventually killing the sumbitch.

Goddammit.

Anyways - here's some links to the story:
From CHUD.com
From The Onion A.V. Club
From Ain't It Cool News

Monday, November 13, 2006

This Post Will Most Likely Become Obsolete in a Few Hours...

Below is the alleged original trailer for Spiderman 3.

Catch it now before Sony lawyers take down this particular video from YouTube.

Personally, I like this one better. And most of the CGI is rough and in temp phase, but there's a couple of finished shots which I think are rather awesome, including the last segment.

Still, I'm not the biggest fan of Venom, nor of the idea of Sandman killing Uncle Ben, nor of bringing in Gwen Stacy NOW, and I just don't see how this movie can pack all this stuff in without going 6 hours long.

But, oh well...at least Thomas Haden Church is getting work. Plus Bruce Campbell allegedly has a cool cameo in this one. Groovy!



UPDATE: And it turns out, I was right. So they took that video off. For anyone else, if you just want to see an endless loop of the small amount of Venom footage from that trailer go here:
http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/5673/eatparkerzc8.gif

And here's the Trailer - it's gonna keep jumping around, so I'll try and keep updating this site. It's like a wandering keg party, but instead of getting molested by the Captain of the Lacross Team, you get to see Topher Grace act like a badass! (I miss you, Scott -- call me!) :

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5866757396576992173&q=spiderman+3+trailer&hl=en

Some Quick ReCuts for A Monday Morning

Hey, y'all!

Well the work week begins anew this morning.

Woo.

Anyways, these both brought a lil smile to my face. The first is a (seemingly obvious) recut of Planes, Trains, & Automobiles into the Brokeback Mountain trailer. Yes, the Brokeback jokes are tired - but what sets this one above is how it does seem effortless and if one scene had just gone in a different direction, then the whole movie could've easily been the gay road trip film we all desperately yearn for.





And the second is a recut of Office Space into a trailer for a thriller. Quite well done! Also, Fox might've actually done some advertising for this flick if it had this formulaic plot. Alas...what could've been....


Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Tots R Us

Does anyone remember "Cop Rock"? In 1990, TV wunderkind Steven Bochco (who has made his name with work on "Hill Street Blues", "LA Law", "NYPD Blue" and "Murder One") decided to launch this daring and provocative hybrid showing. Combining the gritty realism and moral quagmire of police work with...broadway showtunes? I guess it's an interesting juxtaposition. Pairing the world where every day could be your last with...broadway showtunes. Anyways, here's the IMDB's summary (and a very praising one at that!):

The 1990s started off with one of the boldest experiments ever attempted in American television # the creation of an hour-long weekly television police drama, done as a musical. Longtime television innovator Steven Bochco, creator of major hits like Hill Street Blues and L.A. Law, took the biggest risk of his career. He brought the musical back to television but this time as a gritty, street-wise cop show called Cop Rock. The songs were written by a stable of songwriters ably led by the Oscar-winning Randy Newman. Half the critics thought it was the worst idea of the century; half thought it was pure genius. The television drama had been moribund for some time and Bochco created something entirely new, powerful, interesting, fresh. Nothing like it had ever been attempted before, and most importantly, it was done well and done seriously. Its detractors claimed it was unrealistic for cops and robbers to break into song, but none of them had complained quite this loudly about the various aliens that had appeared on the airwaves, about shipwrecked movie stars and millionaires, about bionic men and women, or about the rest of the lackluster crap filling the TV schedule. As an example of its audacity, its first episode alone included a rap song delivered by junkies as they're being arrested in a drug raid, a gospel number by a judge and jury convicting a drug dealer, a tender pop ballad by a husband about his much younger wife, and an R&B number by a corrupt lady mayor to the man who's just offered her a bribe. But the most powerful number came at the end of the episode. A young junkie sits on a bus stop bench singing a lullaby to her infant daughter, a haunting Randy Newman song called "Sandman" (later re-used in Newman's Faust). As she finishes the song, a station wagon pulls up, a man gets out and pays her $200 for the baby. As he drives away with the baby, the junkie finishes the lullaby and breaks down in tears as the music quietly ends and the camera pulls away. It was devastating. And it was brilliant drama. Unfortunately, it cost $1.8 million an episode # a record at the time # and its ratings were consistently dismal. ABC tried to get Bochco to drop the musical numbers but he refused, so they canceled the show after four months. Bochco later told Entertainment Weekly that of all his shows, Cop Rock was by far the most fun he had ever had making television. Years later, Cop Rock was partly redeemed as cable channel VH-1 rebroadcast the series and a new generation discovered its quirky brilliance.

So there's that.

I don't remember this ever being on the air, but I first heard about it on one of those VH1's "We're Not Producing Anything New or Interesting in Our Own Times So Instead Let's Look Back with Condescending Fondness and Forced Nostalgia at Decades Gone By" specials. It was also recently mentioned here.

And now, the greatest scene to ever be performed on television in recorded history. How this escaped the Emmy consideration AND Billboard's Hot 100 is beyond me. Come on, hipsters, let's bring this gem back! This scene revolves around two undercover cops who are pretending to buy a baby from the self-proclaimed "Baby Merchant". Enjoy!



READER POLL!


Rumsfeld resigned today. With what medal will Bush award him?

a) Medal of Freedom
b) Medal of Awesome-ness
c) Medal of Old Timey Sayings in a Time that Necessitates more than just Old Fashioned Gibberish
d) Medal of Sexy Time
e) Medal of Blood Savagery and Heartlessness (aka The Chuck Norris Medal)
f) Write In Vote:_________________

Some Distractions from the Impending Apocalypse

Stuff y'all should be checking out:

Put This in your Earhole:

  • Bonnie "Prince" Billy, "The Letting Go"
  • The Decemberists, "The Crane Wife"
  • This Will Destroy You, "Young Mountain EP"
  • The Russian Futurists, "Let's Get Ready to Crumble"
  • Daniel Tosh, "True Stories That I Made Up"
  • Demetri Martin, "These Are Jokes"
  • Spoon, "Gimme Fiction"
  • Belle & Sebastian, "The Boy With the Arab Strap"

Tune In, Turn On, And Drop Out:

  • "Heroes"
    Okay - yes, the dialogue is poorly written. And the series suffers from "Lost"-itis where people have to act a certain way (in Lost it's incompetent, in Heroes it's endlessly incredulous) in order to advance the intrigue and plot. And there needs to be more characters acting as the audience (which doesn't necessarily mean incredulous). And also more levity. The japanese guy can't do it all on his own. Still, glad they finally found a vehicle for Ali Larter and Adrian Pasdar. But seriously, let's fine-tune it, people. Bryan Fuller, who created/wrote "Wonderfalls" and "Dead Like Me", works on this (specifically the Cheerleader stories, which are the best written ones), so they are plenty capable of bringing the writing up a notch.
  • "Frisky Dingo"
    By the creators of "Sealab 2021" comes this new toon for Adult Swim. It's so friggin funny. A serialized story about a millionaire playboy who moonlights as superhero, Awesome X, trying to start a toy line based on his hero persona and the villain who wishes to be his archnemesis (named Killface). It's filled with the patented awkward silences and weird ab-libbing and sexual references to fill me with hours of delight, despite its 15 minute run time. Check this shit out! Ya heard!
  • "Scrubs"
    Now this show isn't on...yet. It will be returning to new episodes shortly on NBC, directly after "The Office" on Thursdays at 9pm. Braff has to star in a dozen other movies playing an existential twentysomething with a penchant for emo-indie bands, he'll be leaving this show after this season. So this is probably the end of "Scrubs". So i implore all of you - watch this show! Fuck "Grey's Anatomy"! It's just Scrubs minus the comedy and originality! And yes, Katherine Hegl is hot, but she lacks the quiet, unassuming beauty of Sarah Chalke. And yes, Patrick Dempsey is hot. But what about the sheer hotness and insanity of John C. McGinley? He was in Office Space. You liked Office Space! Watch the reruns on Comedy Central, buy the DVD, and check out this show when it returns in a few weeks.
  • "Veronica Mars"
    She's spunky, she's sassy, she's smart, and she kind of looks like a fetus. Veronica Mars is a highly likeable show. It's charming, really. And while there are some changes I don't like (More Dick Casablancas! Why'd they kill off you-know-who in the season premiere? And what's up with the downer remix of "We Used To Be Friends"?), this show still remains very interesting and incredibly watchable. Plus it's nice to see the professor from "Saved by the Bell: The College Years" getting work...as a professor. Also, Laura San Giacomo is really cute and appealing. She and Enrico Whateveraloni have both shaken off the stench from "Just Shoot Me" quite nicely.
  • "The Venture Brothers"
    Yes, the second season just ended (with a helluva season finale! more Bowie!). But Adult Swim is still airing the second season episodes on Sunday. Also Season 1 is available on DVD and all of Season 2 is available on iTunes for just $1.99 per episode. This show is the best comedy on television now. Weird references, hilarious characterization, and just a great send up of so many geeky genres. I'm a Blacula hunter!
  • "Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel"
    I don't think anyone or anything can ever fill the void created by The Miz's departure from these Challenges. But in his absence, this version of the Challenge has so far been the most appealing. Sure, it still raises my dander to see these people turn this pathetic death grip on relevance and fame into a career...and even worse, a life. But ya gotta love the clashing of personalities, the cool challenges, and the always entertaining, always blazed TJ Lavin. My personal faves for this season are: GUYS - Derrick and Eric (i like the fat guy, sue me); GIRLS - Diem and Jodi (yes, she's the emotional town bike, but god bless her nonetheless).

Moving Pictures:

  • Save the Green Planet
    This movie is really weird and wholly original. It's a movie about a disturbed person, an alien conspiracy, a botched kidnapping, and all sorts of horrible acts. But it's also really funny, truly visually interesting and original, and definitely worth checking out.
  • Borat
    "I'm from Kazakh...we follow the Hawk." Everyone who is reading this has probably already seen this movie, or at least intends to see it. But I gotta say - this movie is equally hilarious and frightening. Sure, it's great when Borat finally tracks down his lady love, but it's also very chilling when the cowboy is instructing Borat how to pass as an "eye-talian" in America.
  • Slither
    "I'm Bill Pardy." Fun, hilarious, creepy, gorefest. Sure it's derivative of Night of the Creeps (Why the hell is that not on DVD yet? Or Monster Squad?) but it's still a lot of fun and filled with plenty of great jokes and even cooler gorey scenes that'll have you making a yuck face all night long. Plus Nathan Fillion! Give this man a job! (PROGRAMMING NOTE: Nathan Fillion will be on the last "Lost" of 2006! Watch this episode and help Nathan not have to do drek like White Noise 2: The Search for More Money)
  • Wild Zero
    Japanese Rockabilly Band versus Alien Made Zombies. 'Nuff Said.
  • The Great Yokai War
    Takashi Miike's kids' movie. Yes, the man who brought you death by drowning in a kiddie pool full of excrement has made a fantasy film for children. This is the type of kids' fare that most of us had growing up - dark, twisted, surreal, and fucked up. Since time has progressed and we've tried to shelter our kids more and more, there's been less of this form of truly terrifying children's movies. Miike comes along with a great epic tale of a child leading an army of yokai (spirits/daemons) against a giant machine monster, an Evil Warlord, and Go-Go Yubari.
  • Wolf Creek
    I watched this recently with a bunch of people. There's a scene where a girl keeps crying loudly, and my fellow viewers, concerned that the evil sadist will find her, kept screaming at the TV, "Shhh! Shut up!" Personally, I think that proves this movie is plenty effective. While its allegation that it's "based on a true story" is a little flimsy, it's still a very entertaining and stark horror film. Now they need to hurry up and make the sequel in which the Bad Guy takes on his dreaded archnemesis...Kangaroo Jack! (screw you, Anthony Anderson!)

Reading is Fundamentalist:

  • Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

    Gaiman has written another novel dealing with ancient myths in a modern world. This time updating his Anansi character from American Gods. The novel is awfully funny, full of hilarious moments, and really creates some very cool imagery as one of the titular Anansi Boys has to go to the caves at the end (or is it the beginning?) of the world. A quick read with interesting characters, hilarious events, and a fast moving plot. Highly recommended.

  • The Pirates! in an Adventure with Ahab by Gideon Defoe

    Yes, I know that pirates have become a go-to part of the comedy and pop culture in recent years. Along with other signs of arrested development/nerdy nostalgia such as ninjas, robots, superheroes, etc. But Defoe's work is really quite an entertaining farce. Creating a bumbling crew of pirates without any names (only identified as "pirate in red", "the albino pirate", and "the pirate with rickets", etc) that seem more at home on a BBC sitcom than on the high seas, Defoe has created a hilarious series of adventures with endless comic potential. I could easily see all of these books being turned into movies by the likes of Michel Gondry, Spike Jonze, or Garth Jennings (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy).

  • The Exterminators by Simon Oliver and Tony Moore (comic)

    Oliver's script is a brilliant look at a twisted society through the eyes of an ex-con exterminator. Full of weird bugs, weirder bugmen, and a bunch of odd imagery, cults, and fringe characters - this series is a great mystery, a huge thrilling ride, and a fascinating read. Also, Moore's artwork is really cool and does a great job showcasing all of the dirt and grime, which continues the theme of everything being dirty and tainted in some way.

  • Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon and John Cassaday (comic)

    Glayven. Yes, I'm a giant fan of everything Whedon does. Well, maybe not so much Alien: Resurrection, but perhaps that's just the exception that proves the rule. (Really, even that movie isn't so bad until the whole Alien/Human Hybrid Dog thing comes along. Yeeeeesh) But even with that aside, this is really one of the best runs on X-Men since the Claremont/Byrne period. Kitty Pryde is kicking ass, Wolverine is making me laugh, and Emma Frost is dealing out sass! I should work for NY Daily News. Also, anything Whedon can do to stop making Cyclops seem like the ultimate Pussy is a huge step in my book.

  • Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl

    This book is a little too smart for its own good. Rife with literary allusions (and footnotes and bibliographical references), this novel is a story of a girl who travels throughout the US with her professor father. The meat of the story is her senior year in high school, the group of friends she encounters, and a murder mystery. It's actually a very interesting tale of growing up, of recognizing our parents for who and what they are, and of trying to find one's own voice despite all the many influences that infilitrate our tongues.

It's a Series of Tubes!:

  • Crosswords!
    Crosswords, Crosswords, Crosswords. I've become addicted to www.bestcrosswords.com. Sure, if you do a bunch of them you'll notice a repetition in phrases and clues. But so what? It's a fun distraction that helps you excel at crosswords in general. Plus it has a great program interface that lets you know when you're off on the wrong foot. Q'aplar!
  • BBC in the US!
    Mitchell & Webb, the hilarious duo behind "Peep Show", have had a bunch of sketch comedy show over the years. The Newest One ("That Mitchell & Webb Look") is currently airing on BBC, but here are some sketches to enjoy including: Angel Summoner & BMX Bandit, NumberWang, And Inviting The Scooby Doo Gang.
  • Go Team Venture!
    The Mantis Eye Experiment is a great site for checking out some info about the Venture Bros. It has all of the allusions and references, a synopsis, and even some nifty screen captures. Have a question about VB? Then head on over to this site.
  • 300 Trailer!
    Does Dining in Hell just mean going to the Olive Garden? Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck. Seriously though, this movie looks like it's gonna kick a lot of arse. I hope it has substance along with (an obvious amount of) style, unlike the other all green screen project - Sin City. Still, anything with a guy who has blades for arms, a monkey mask, and what appears to be some sort of Albino Giant has gots to be great! Also, I hope this trailer is a collection of all the times they say "Sparta" and not just indicative of how often people will be screaming that word in this movie.
  • David Bowie!
    "Hello, I'm David Bowie." Friggin brilliant! Can't wait for the second season of "Extras" to air on HBO. Also, I really like the idea of a piano being an arm's length away from Bowie at any given time.
  • Country Catfight!
    Apparently Living Like You Were Dying means being pissed that an "American Idol" chick beat you at the CMAs. While I'm glad this clip exists, it means someone had to watch the CMAs to notice it. Who the fuck watches the CMAs?
  • Just in Time for Halloween! Oh Wait...Dammit!
    Hilarious. Sure, it's no longer topical, but it's still funny.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Bush's Brain at it Again!

Forget about the Kerry misdirection.

Forget about the sudden sentencing of Saddam Hussein to death.

There is a new and even more insidious conspiracy afoot this Election Day.

Yes, I'm talking about the Britney Spears/K-Fed divorce. Firstly, Bravo to Karl Rove! The man is more Emperor Palpatine than Palpatine himself was in the prequels! And without needless second banana bad guys (Dooku is scary WHY?). Unless you count the president himself. Hi-Yo! But seriously, hats off to Bush's Brain for engineering and rigging the release of this information. Sure, Britney's been dying to throw the cheetos encrusted freeloader out of her house for months now. But, as she famously says in Fahrenheit 9/11, you have to stand behind the president. And when the President asks that you announce your divorce on the day that his party stands to get coldcoked, dammit, you accept those charges!

Personally though, I really hope this divorce was just accumulation of intense heated political debate between the two lovetards.

Imagine if you will, they're sitting in front of their two big screens. BET is on one, MSNBC is on the other. K-Fed is relaxing on (Britney's) couch when the starlet walks in, noticing that K-Fed is looking rather encouraged at the prospect of a Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

(FADE IN)

Britney: "Baby, I can't believe you're leaning towards the Democratic party now! You just know that they're weak willed approach to politics and debate will end up transfering into our ongoing war of terror, thereby revealing us to be a country divided, soft on our enemies, and open for another attack, y'all!"

K-Fed: "Yo, yo, yo...Britney, hold up. Hold up. You hearing what you sayin? Damn, girl! You've been given too much of your time to the Republican Propaganda Juggernaut. You think Kerry makin' a lame joke at a college undermines the troops? Really? Damn, yo! That shit is whack! It be Rumsfeld who's undermining the troops! How about a man that didn't properly arm the troops goin in, let alone provide enough troops there in the first place! Meanwhile, Bush and all them Pavarottis be standing behind Rumsfeld, acting like he's still the shit. Nah, Brit. NAH."

Britney: "Fine, let's table the Iraq issue for a second. Okay, baby?"

K-Fed: "I don't see how you can table an issue that involves American lives being lost, an increase in terror sympathy, and also furthering the instability of an entire region. But, you gave me that new Prius, so I'm gonna listen."

Britney: "Thanks, pookums. Now, moving away from the international scene to a more, y'know, domestic situation - Bush's tax cuts have lessened the deficit and totally freed up money for burgeoning small businesses! It's allowed capital to be fed back into the national economy! Now I, fer one, don't think that's a bad thing. How can y'all be against a man who's helping out small businesses?"

K-Fed: "Again, Brit - I think you're falling prey to the conservative talking points. Yeah, sure the deficit has gone done a little - meanwhile we're in huge amounts of national debt to other countries, and our own national credit card debt is through the roof!"

Britney: "Maybe that's cuz you keep putting all those drinks and dances down at the Pussycat Lounge on our AmEx."

K-Fed: "Baby, don't be petty. We're talkin bout national problems, aiight?"

Britney: "I guess I just don't know you anymore."

K-Fed: "I think ever since I became an international rappin' superstar I've changed. And not just cuz of all the fans--"

(Britney laughs)

K-Fed: "ANYWAY, not just cuz of all the fans, but it's also given me a more worldly perspective on things. We can't be all pent up in our own lil worlds, we gotta consider what's goin on at home and abroad."

Britney: "Speaking of abroad, someone named Mindy called and said the tests came back positive."

K-FED: "Aw, hell no!"

(FADE OUT)



Obviously this is a pure fantasy, if only because Britney would never be able to make a pun out of the word "abroad".

GOD BLESS AMERICA!